


The Monk Bride

by Idonquixote



Category: Xī yóu jì | Journey to the West - Wú Cheng'en
Genre: Alternate Universe - Princess Bride Fusion, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bad Poetry, Crack Treated Seriously, From the villain of course, I REGRET NOTHING, M/M, Pastiche, Romance, follows the style of Jenner's translation, for better or worse, yes this is slashfic about a monk and a monkey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idonquixote/pseuds/Idonquixote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he said, “Let’s go west,” what he meant was: I love you.</p><p>Or, the fantastic romance between a beautiful monk and a dashing monkey king, written in the style of Wu Cheng'en's "Journey to the West," with more than a few dashes of "The Princess Bride" here and there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mind-Ape Captures His Heart, The Monk of the River Current Matures

**Author's Note:**

> I know what you're thinking. Did I really just write a Princess Bride AU of Journey to the West? You bet I did! And it worked better than it should have. I thought it'd be funnier if it was written in Jenner's style so I tried to mimic it more or less.

Affection is a result of desire,  
To want is to mix with fire,  
Such flames are kindled with little care,  
And flushed out with the greatest tide,  
This ride is but a dream,  
That which is unspoken,  
And such a sweet bitter thought,  
All will come clear when the word love is taken.

This story tells how a covered basket flowed atop a mighty river current and bobbed up-and-down into the land of the great Kingdom Tang, whereupon it piqued the interest of an aging monk with long white beard and the Master name Fa Ming. He lifted the basket out of calming waters and pulled the cloth away, which revealed, to his surprise, a blinking babe. Indeed,

The infant giggled a noise like new bells,  
His cheeks rosy and round,  
With soft skin and smooth face,  
The comeliest babe to ever greet the old Master’s eyes.

And so, Fa Ming and his Brothers took it upon themselves to raise and educate the foundling, since dubbed Jiang Liu, from whom the river flows, within their holy monastery. Ahead in the great Kingdom Tang, Lords and Ladies flocked in their various luxuries, spoils of which Jiang Liu would never know, but he did not want of cloth or food, and for that, he was content. 

And so, he grew into a bright child, his devout mind able to comprehend all of Lord Buddha’s teachings, a remarkable feat for one so young. Indeed, he was a lovely child, but certainly not the most eyecatching in the Great Kingom Tang. That title belonged to young Nezha:

Silky black hair adorned in red lotus ribbons,  
Baby soft skin,  
Plush full lips,  
A filial beauty worthy of noble parentage.

Alas, he was a brash youth and by the little monk’s fourteenth birthday, Nezha had left the mortal realm in a brutal feat of violence, those lily hands forever stained with the blood of a dragon’s son and his own skin. The young noble’s spirit lived on, of course, though this particular tale will take its leave of him for a few stories more.

By his sixteenth year, the pious Jiang Liu, now dubbed Chen Xuanzang, and young Master in his own right, had grown into a state of restlessness over misprinted sutras and conflicting readings of Lord Buddha’s way. Even sleeping, he dreamed of retrieving the sutra from the land far west and coming home to a triumphant hero’s welcome. And yet this, he kept secret. 

See him pine,  
The pale Master,  
With lovely complexion,  
If not for the awkwardness of youth.

In the years of Xuanzang’s adolescence, the Great Kingdom Tang deemed the Dragon prince, son of the Western king, its most beautiful. Indeed, he was:

Decked in white,  
Head flowered with a flowing blue mane,  
Genteel in breeding and blood,  
The darling of the seven seas.

But this particular tale will take its leave of the prince for a few stories more. We return to young Xuanzang and his devout training. Eager to test his limits of concentration and mind, the devoted monk took to outdoor meditation, and it was there in the woodlands, he caught the eye of the monastery’s backdoor plague, or as it liked to call itself: the Handsome Monkey king.

That holy temple opened into a field of peaches, pink as infant flesh and white as melting snow, and beyond that grove of fruits, a trail leading to a curtain of water. Behind that curtain, a cave of naughty demon primates dwelled, much to the chagrin of Fa Ming’s followers. 

Watch them play,  
Day in and day out without a care,  
Stealing peaches and painting nonsense on sanctioned walls,  
Their own scribbled gibberish and the like.

The old masters let this nuisance go on for all of two reasons: they lacked the initiative and manpower to fend off such a number of wild monkeys, and with that simian chieftain about, no other demon would dare encroach. Indeed, man-eating demons were a common, if not severe, problem in Tang and beyond.

The Monkey King, or handsome, nay _beautiful_ , monkey king as his subjects called him, was a demon skilled in fighting and even more in the art of boasting. A reckless imp of an animal, he took great delight in ruining Xuanzang’s hard-yearned meditation with shrill laughter and clapping hands. Xuanzang grit his teeth as he looked upon the demon king:

Lithe, petite stature,  
Warm golden fur,  
Mischievous eyes and pointed ears,  
The mouth of a miniature thunder god,  
A tail wagging left and right,  
The monk thought him adorable.

But the steadfast Xuanzang was quick to banish these thoughts. In their place, he thought of wretched complaints. That damned monkey was:

Barbaric and rude,  
Uncouth and mannerless,  
A savage beast too ugly to look upon.

And to make matters worse, his voice grated Xuanzang’s ears. He would swing by or crawl up and ask in his irritating way, “what are you doing out here, little monk?” And upon Xuanzang’s chastising, he would say, “Oh, you want me to be quiet! I can be quieter than quiet!” And then say, “Do you want to hear? Hear how quiet I can be?”

The little primate was determined to make Xuanzang his playmate, and to this end, he pursued the young monk relentlessly. He chatted at Xuanzang’s heels like a restless dog and bribed the monk with stolen peaches. He would brag of feats Xuanzang highly doubted and swing down uninvited from thin vines. And still, the steadfast Xuanzang continued to meditate in the forest, and continued to face that monkey-induced state of failure. 

And so, this went on until Xuanzang’s seventeenth birthday, whereupon the Beautiful Monkey King and his subjects celebrated with a festival of fruits, taking care to drag the reluctant monk into their water cave. And upon learning Xuanzang desired no gift, the confused Monkey King asked, “There’s nothing you want, nothing at all? Huh, huh, huh?”

Too busy telling the chimps he had no fleas for them to pick, Xuanzang merely looked the Monkey King in the eye with a shake of his bald head and said, “I want to go to the Western Paradise and bring the Sanskrit sutras back.”

Then the Monkey King jumped up and clapped his hands in glee, and said, “Then let’s go west!”

For every day onward, the monkey pestered him with that phrase. And for every day onward, Xuanzang bestowed him with menial, often demeaning tasks and a haughty turn of his nose. “Go beg for rice,” he would quip, and with an accusing finger, he would say, “Your fur is messy, pluck that patch out,” and then he would give the order, “Rub my head,” and when all else was done, he said, “Walk upside down until I’m done chanting.”

But nothing deterred the good Monkey King. Indeed:

He now called Xuanzang the great Tang monk,  
Bringing him peaches every seventh day,  
Knelt at his side from dawn to dusk.

Though his face was cold and his complaints many, Xuanzang made sure to examine and eat the gifted peaches upon every occurrence. Indeed:

As the sun rose and fell,  
A part of the pious monk’s heart yearned to go west,  
A hopping monkey beside him,  
Every step of the way.

Then the Dragon Prince flew away on Xuanzang’s nineteenth birthday. And the Great Kingdom Tang was once more bereft of beauties, to the disappointment of its lustful lords and ladies. But that Chen Xuanzang cared little for such matters. In truth:

He was content with his dreams of the futures,  
Life under the old Masters,  
His constant companions-  
The Beautiful Monkey King and his subjects.

Until the day that Monkey King poured seven peaches at once into Xuanzang’s lap. Baffled, he asked, “What is the meaning of this?” whereupon the monkey told him, “It’s my parting gift. You must eat them all.”

“Parting?” Xuanzang asked, not believing the words he heard. “Ah, yes,” said the wretched Monkey King, “I’m leaving the water curtain cave of Fa Ming temple at the Great Kingdom Tang. I need to seek experience and fortune, and useful things of the like.”

Quite mad, though he knew not why, Xuanzang crossed his arms and huffed, “What would a monkey need with that?” 

To which, the Monkey King replied, “ “There are many dangers beyond the Great Kingdom Tang. And if you go to the Western paradise, you’ll need someone to protect you. _Well_.” Then he grinned and said, “That someone is me.”

At that, Xuanzang felt his blood boil. He blinked back tears of rage and turned up his nose as he said, quite irrationally, “Don’t go. I forbid you.” And at that, the Monkey King laughed:  “You’re not my master yet! Just stay put and wait- it won’t be long til I come back.”

Then he did his annoying, devil-may-care, perfect somersault and landed behind the monk, with a cry of, “And then let’s go west together!” Feeling his anger dissipate at those words, Xuanzang sighed and said, “ “Then hurry and come back. I must meditate now.”

The monkey nodded and went along his way as Xuanzang pretended to sit, his concentration deeply shaken. Upon seeing the Monkey King’s shadow fade into nothing, Xuanzang curled into a ball and shed petty tears. 

Watch them part,  
The proud Monkey King dropped his grin like a dead fly,  
His laughter unable to mask his sobs,  
The demon king cried with the monk,  
Neither knowing,  
For pride was the flaw,  
Each had yet to shake.

Indeed, Xuanzang was so upset he let the peaches rot. See him wallow in misery:

A piece of his heart now missing,  
Replaced with the fragile hope,  
Of a promise to return,  
And a wish to journey west.

And so, Xuanzang dried his tears and waited for the Monkey King’s return by preparing for his grand pilgrimage to the land of the western paradise. Good Xuanzang studied and meditated, collected alms, and spoke in Sanskrit. In this tireless manner, the monk endured the arrival and departure of two winters and two summers. As ordained by the old masters, he earned the name Sanzang, of Tang, and never had there been a monk so devout, so pious, and so pure in the Kingdom Tang:

Spine straight and robes flowing,  
Lips the color of blossoming petals,  
Visage noble and clean,  
Gone was the awkwardness of youth.

Then, upon his twenty-second year, everyone knew the most beautiful man in the Great Kingdom Tang was the holy monk, Tang Sanzang.

And as demons and mortals alike set their eyes upon him, Sanzang felt as if he had been snatched from meditation, because it was then he finally understood what the simian king had been saying all along:

When he said,  
“Let’s go west,”  
What he meant was:  
I love you.

Then, to his further astonishment, Sanzang realized he doubtlessly loved him back.

The heart soars when feelings rush,  
In love the fates need not push.

If you do not know what trials Sanzang faced ahead, listen to the explanation in the next installment.


	2. The Tang Priest Is Sent to Accumulated Thunder Mountain, The Goddess of Mercy Gives Him Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly thought the only person interested in this story was me. I was pleasantly surprised to see more than 2 kudos! Even more surprised to see *archived users* leave kudos! Really, thank you all so much! 
> 
> Notes on the chapter: Red Boy has been "physically" aged up in this so he can be our Prince Humperdinck.
> 
> Onto chapter 2- warnings: Sanzang whining, attempted sexual assault

Bitter is the year of mourning,  
That which is lost plunges into the distance,  
Carried off as if on the wings of a herring,  
Never to return that which departs,   
But the false hope lives on within desperate hearts,  
The righteous one knows when to move on,  
To separate the carnal from the soul,  
And walk along the path again whole.

This story tells how the Tang priest, Sanzang, recited heart sutras to himself as he walked along the river bank that he had once flowed into as an infant. A pair of his fellow monks were strolling ahead of him, speaking to each other in hushed tones, for fear the old masters would punish them for senseless gossip. “Brother, have you heard about the attack in the Southern Sea?” one asked the other. “Yes, most dreadful. I heard no one survived.”

And though he tried to ignore their words, Sanzang’s interest was piqued, and so, he slowed down to listen. “That miscreant came from above, they said, on a ship of clouds. His attack was so efficient that our navy failed to find the missing boats until last night even though it took place at least two, three years ago,” the first monk said, to which the second replied, “I heard he destroyed the merchant ship, capsized the captain’s boat, took the heads of five fishermen, and blew a little raft to bits.” 

“Terrible, terrible,” Sanzang thought to himself, “I mustn’t listen to such terrible things.” But as he turned to leave, he heard the first monk say, “So then his victims would include a crew of one-hundred sailors, thirty merchants, one ship captain, five fishermen, and one monkey.”

Seized by an unwanted panic, Sanzang stopped in his tracks. The two monks continued to move and the second said, “I believe so. The little monkey owned the wooden raft. Do you think it could be the one from behind our monastery? The one that left some years ago?” 

Then the first said, “I don’t know who else it could be. Only a wild thing like him would bother sailing the seas. And a shame.” Then again, “A shame.” 

Upon hearing those words, Sanzang’s legs began to shake and his bottom lip took to quivering. “It can’t be,” he thought, “this simply can’t be.” He steadied himself and turned away, running back the way he came. 

Watch him go:  
Far from the sweeping river and his Brothers there,  
Past the grass green and long,  
Into the grove of peach trees tall and old,  
Down the walked trail of the water curtain cave,  
Into the abode of his dear Monkey King.

There, he saw the demon king’s subjects in wide disarray: some were curled, as if in a fetal positions, some leaned on the shoulders of others, and even more lay about bawling into the air. “Why are you all so sad?” the distraught Sanzang demanded, to which the chimp nearest him said, “Our king is dead, venerable priest! Our king is dead!” 

Sanzang fell to his knees, shook his fair head, and said, “No! You must be lying! He can’t be dead!” That wretch had promised he would return! 

“We heard the news clear as day,” the elder monkey sobbed, “he was murdered just two years past, by that infamous crook, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven! It was a ghastly ordeal. He did:

Come down from the clouds on which he sailed,  
One leap could take him one-hundred-eight-thousand li,  
That sage with seventy-two transformations and cast of iron,  
Owner of the as-you-would golden cudgel,  
Of his equal was no one,  
That violent immortal,  
He took no prisoners when he sprung onto the sea,  
And our great king brilliant as he was,  
Stood no chance in the raft of his own design,  
And died with the rest.”

The elder’s words were absolute. “That lying monkey!” Sanzang thought as his tears rushed down lily cheeks, “that horrid wretch, leaving me here without a word!” He clung to his own knees and rocked back and forth. What of the Beautiful Monkey King’s oath? He had promised to take the monk west! And now there was not even a ghost to take his place.

After crying until his eyes puffed pink and his nose swelled for a good hour more, Sanzang reluctantly collected himself and left the cave on shaky legs. He returned to the monastery with his head hung low and feeling thoroughly miserable. Indeed, it was as if:

The priest’s heart had been pierced by ice,  
Forcing unto him pain he could not suffice.

And just as Sanzang had lost all hope of lifting his spirits, Fa Ming approached him with a jovial smile. The old monk took him aside and held him by the hand. “A most beneficial opportunity has come for you, disciple,” Fa Ming said, “the Bull Demon King of Accumulated Thunder Mountain seeks a tutor for his son in the righteous way. He and his wife, Princess Iron Fan, have come to our monastery this morning for this purpose. They have sworn against their wicked ways and wish to achieve human form.”

His heart not in the matter, Sanzang dumbly asked, “What does this have to do with me, Master?”

“They selected you at my recommendation. In the ox’s words:

No priest ever was so devout,  
Soul and body equal in beauty,  
He shall guide our son,  
Tang Sanzang will mentor him in the way of Buddha.”

“I should be overjoyed at the prospect, but my soul has just been cut in two,” Sanzang thought, “it must be true when they say all pain dulls the greatest joys.” He kowtowed before Fa Ming and voiced his troubles: “I would much rather stay here, Master.”

“But what is there for you here, disciple? You know all that I can teach you. And you’re far ahead of your Brothers. This is your chance to prove yourself of worthier things.”

“I see little hope in the Bull King’s venture. Demons need thousands of years of training to achieve human form,” Sanzang said abusively.

“Watch your tongue!” Fa Ming cried, taken aback by the young priest’s wicked response. He grabbed Sanzang by the sleeve and pointed him to the corridor leading into the living spaces. “I can see by your sour face that something has happened to cause you great distress, and as I doubt you will tell me, I will spare you another reprimand. Go in and collect yourself. Then prepare for your journey. The Bull King will send escorts for you first thing in the morning and your Masters will see you off.”

And so, Sanzang was sent to his room, whereupon he packed what little belongings he had into three bags of cloth.  With a sullen face, he put away his beloved sutras, the seven peach seeds the Beautiful Monkey King had once gifted him and he had kept since, a bottle of ink, and his holy robes of red, yellow, and white. Feeling himself the most unfortunate man in the mortal realm, he skipped his nightly meal and meditated until the next dawn.

When the Bull King’s junior devils called on Fa Ming the moment the sun rose, Sanzang was led from his room and ushered toward his escorts. They were a frightful lot. Indeed:

The group consisted of bulk and hide,  
Heads topped with sharp horns,  
Their nostrils wide and flaring,  
Ten bodies rippling with muscles tight.

Sanzang instantly paled and trembled from fright. Seeing his distress, the demons laughed as they took hold of his belongings and grabbed him by the shoulders, making him yelp “Ah-Ah!” in response. And though he felt some pity for the young monk, Fa Ming was nonetheless frustrated by his weak manners. After he kowtowed to the party in apology, he cupped Sanzang’s cheeks and said, “Disciple, there is a bright future ahead of you. Be careful not to let it go to waste. Remember what the old proverb says: he who toils will be rewarded in the end.”

And with that, Fa Ming and his fellow Masters stepped aside to let the escorts carry the Tang priest off. His tearful Brothers bid him farewell as Sanzang was taken into a silver litter and carried off. 

Inside the litter, Sanzang hugged his arms and trembled from fear, moved to tears with every bump on the road and every jostle from his monstrous companions. “What a pain,” he sighed, “and as much as I wish it, that monkey won’t come to my rescue.” At the thought of the Monkey King, he felt a hitch in the throat. After two or three more sighs, he looked out the window. 

See the view:  
The monastery disappeared from sight,  
Trees gnarled and grey with peeling bark,  
Trampled grass yellow and green,  
Past the hills of eastern Tang and into the cliffs south,  
Away from the river current and into the entrance,  
Of Accumulated Thunder Mountain,  
With sharp peaks and dipping cliffs,  
Into Sky Scraping Cave,  
Lit by devilish flame and the scent of blood,  
Unholy home of the Bull King and his Princess Iron Fan.  
  
When the litter was set down, two monsters at the entrance pulled Sanzang from his seat and bullied him into the cave, while the escorts followed suit with his bags in their arms. With a cry of “Ah!” he was thrown at the feet of the demon prince and his bags tossed on top. Gathering himself, the priest sat up, kowtowed, and said, “I am the priest, Sanzang, sent by my Master, Fa Ming, from the edgemost monastery in the Great Kingdom Tang at the order of the Bull Demon King to tutor his son in the righteous way. Are you the Young Master I will serve?”

The prince sat atop a spiked throne of bone and fur with a chin held high and his arms crossed. “I am Red Boy, son of the Bull Demon King and my mother, Raksasi, the Iron Fan Princess. It would do you good to know that, old man.” He sneered meanly and Sanzang cowered. This Red Boy was:

A wicked young man ashen white,  
With blood red lips,  
Bright cold eyes,  
Bare arms toned and taut,  
Decked from head to toe,  
In cloth and ribbon red,  
The fearsome devil prince.

“Amitabha! I meant no disrespect,” the monk said, kowtowing repeatedly. At that, Red Boy only snorted and said with a lick of his lips, “You’re noisy, old man. But at least you’re pretty- if nothing else, it would be do me good to have fun with you.” Struck with foreboding upon hearing those sinister words, Sanzang apologized and shut his trap.

Then Red Boy’s father and mother, the King and Queen of Accumulated Thunder Mountain arrived with the Bull Demon’s trusted Taoist servant to greet the Tang priest. Never had there been a more mismatched, yet harmonious couple. This is the sight that Sanzang beheld:

A bull king more than the size of three grown men,  
With sharp and mighty horns,  
A flat fierce nose,  
Charcoal plated armor  
And a belt of leather bearing shining axes at its side.

A female devil frowning beside her lord,  
Covered in a dress of blue and white,  
With a beautiful, voluptuous face,  
A fan of iron shrunk in her hand,  
The mother and mate of fire and blood.

The Taoist Master garbed in robe,  
His beard sharp,  
His eyes cunning,  
Back straight and sleeves folded,  
That Red Boy’s rightmost man.

“You see, dear wife, I told you he would come,” the Bull King said as they inspected Sanzang. “You vagrant,” she spat, “do you really think giving our son a priest would buy your forgiveness from me?” “My lord,” the Taoist Master then said, “I doubt another tutor is really necessary. The prince and I get on well enough.”

The Bull King roared, “Enough!” and shoved both aside in his angry haste to approach Sanzang. He lifted the monk up and shook him until he almost foamed at the mouth.

“I brought the priest here at your request, _dear wife_ , for you said you would only forgive my dallying with the jade fox princess if I plucked a holy man from the Kingdom Tang. I was willing to train under him with you and our son in order to convert faiths and achieve human form. But it seems you were only playing with me!”

“You dumb ox,” Raksasi said with a roll of her cold eyes, “I suppose it’s true when the ancients said, ‘sarcasm flies over the head of the imbecile.’ I only treated our trip to the monastery as a vacation.” She held out her arm and let the fan lick the Bull King’s chin. “I am not so simply appeased. I will force you to be true to me so you needn’t try to find loopholes.”

“Shut your traps, both of you!” Red Boy snarled. He jumped off the throne and waved his spear in the Bull King’s face. “You dare disrespect your elders in this manner!” his father roared, and his mother pretended to feign weakness as she said, “Oh my child, my child. What has your louse of a father done to you?”

“These monsters will surely kill me in their rage!” thought the petrified Sanzang, “Oh, I will die here for sure! Oh Master, what have you subjected your disciple to?” 

Upon witnessing the monk’s silence, a devious idea entered the Taoist Master’s mind: “If they can see the Tang priest’s inefficiency, then they will surely dismiss him for his uselessness. Or better yet, kill him and share his flesh with me.” He coughed, as to draw attention to himself, then said, “My lords, there is indeed much unrest in this House. Does it not fall on the prince’s tutor to calm the raging waters?”

“He’s right!” Red Boy said. He hopped in front of Sanzang and yanked the terrified priest forward. With a prod of his spear, he said, “Go on, old man, enlighten us!”

Sanzang could only wipe his tears and nod as all eyes fell on his pitiful countenance. He cleared his throat and not wishing to die yet, made up a poem on the spot:

“The restless soul sets the world on fire,  
All to ash and none to water,  
Only pure meditation can tame these winds,  
From which men blow,  
The filial son will not attack his parents,  
The good parents will educate their son,  
And the teacher’s duty is to correct,  
As father and friend,  
Amitabha.”

The Bull King clapped and said, with a flare of his mighty nose, “Excellent! Your guidance will do my son good!” Lady Iron Fan was less impressed, but her features softened as she took Sanzang’s words to heart. “Most excellent, venerable elder,” the Taoist Master said with a bow, though he was fuming within.

Red Boy grinned. “So you’re educated after all, old man.” Then he passed a hand behind Sanzang’s robe and smacked the monk’s buttocks, whereupon the Tang priest flushed red. “I would rather not think of you as my second father. A friend, however, a dear friend I can accept,” Red Boy said.

“Stop molesting the venerable elder,” the Taoist Master said, “seeing as the priest is here to stay, I will show him to his quarters.” Raksasi nodded and replied, “then all is settled. See that Master Sanzang rests well while his Majesty and I settle our affairs.”

The servant kowtowed and signaled Sanzang to follow him. They ventured deeper into the cave and came to a damp room with a fireplace, window, and stone bed cushioned with wool. After the Taoist Master took his leave, Sanzang emptied his belongings, changed into a clean set of robes, and fell asleep on the hard bed. The year that followed was the most difficult in the Tang priest’s life. Indeed:

The seasons passed with woe in Sky Scraping Cave,  
His back ached from the harsh stone,  
Only jeers and commands from the Bull King’s demons,  
Always too cold,  
Always too hot,  
His ears rung with the shouts of Lord and Lady,  
As the Bull Demon King fought Princess Iron Fan,  
He lived in fear of the Taoist Master,  
Who eyed him like a sneering hawk,  
And tried to make him fail,  
Most dreaded of all was that pupil,  
The lecherous Red Boy,  
Who touched the Tang priest with impure purpose,  
And looked upon him with hungry eyes,  
Always a wicked comment from his tongue,  
On the priest’s face or body,  
Words that made Sanzang’s hairs stand on end,  
The misery of Accumulated Thunder Mountain.

And so, Sanzang spent his days in this manner until one night as he sat meditating in his room and overcome with sadness, he prayed to the Goddess of Mercy, the benevolent Guanshiyin Bodhisattva: “Your disciple has never asked for anything before. But here without friend or family and surrounded by those who wish to do me harm, I know not what to do next. All I pray for is a bit of comfort.”

And just as he was about to climb onto the stone bed, a bright cloud passed through his window, and as the cloud shifted and encompassed the room, it gave way to reveal the great Bodhisattva in her glory. Dumbstruck, Sanzang could only look upon her in absolute awe:

The Goddess sits on her lotus throne,  
Dressed in robes purest white,  
Hair like silk,  
Chi like gold,  
Most radiant and beautiful,  
The Mother of kindness and strength.

“Do you know who I am, good Sanzang?” she asked with a gentle smile. Feeling foolish and small before her, Sanzang kowtowed ten or twenty times before he said, “Yes! Great Bodhisattva, your humble disciple knows you are the Goddess of Mercy. And he is moved beyond tears that you would answer his prayer.”

Guanyin laughed neither a jovial or mocking laugh, and said, “Then tell me, Tang Sanzang, what troubles you so badly that you summoned me?”

Again reminded of his hardships, Sanzang wept and recounted all his woes to the Bodhisattva. He spoke of his forced leave from the monastery, the Taoist Master’s attempt to throw him out of favor, the bullying he suffered at the demons’ hands, Red Boy’s threats to take his essential manhood, and the horrible conditions he was forced to live under. Then, to his shock, she laughed once more at him.

“Why do you laugh, Bodhisattva?” he sobbed. She smiled, shook her head, and said, “I laugh because you are funny, disciple. You tell me of all your troubles except the one that bothers you most.” At this, he asked, “What have I not reported?” 

Guanyin looked upon him with mirth and said, “Listen, disciple, you’re talking in circles. You suffer most from a broken heart and this is no difficult observation. Good Sanzang, allow me to tell you a story:

Ten lives ago you lived beside us,  
A disciple at Lord Buddha’s side,  
You were the Golden Cicada,  
All those years ago,  
You dwelled above heaven.

You spent one-hundred years,  
Enlightening the heavenly emperor,  
And beside his palace,  
The royal stables lay,  
There you visited most.

Because you loved the heavenly horses,  
Loved to see them gallop,  
Loved to see the clouds float,  
Loved to see the trees sing,  
But most of all,  
You loved taunting their Master,  
That celestial horse groomer.

You loved the wind on his hair,  
Loved the blush on his face,  
Loved his golden fur,  
Loved his pretty tail,  
Loved his haughty eyes.

This stable boy lived for you,  
He loved your every endeavor,  
He loved you without quarrell,  
He loved you without words.

For you he,  
Converted his Taoist faith,  
Stole the Heavenly Mother’s peaches,  
Set loose the celestial horses,  
Took your every insult without rebuff.

But arrogant as you were,  
You disagreed with Buddha,  
And sought to find your own path,  
So He sent you down,  
On your way to retrieve the true Sutra.

As you strove through your ten lives,  
The horse groomer fell ill from your loss,  
As he took the blame for your leave,  
And when heartbreak took its toll,  
This illness took his life.

The Golden Cicada became Chen Xuanzang,  
And his loved horse groomer,  
Passed away and joined that tenth life,  
To become your loved Monkey King.”

Sanzang listened intently to the Bodhisattva’s words, stupefied by his own history, and moved to tears yet again by her words, kowtowed and said, “Amitabha! Now that I know my past, My heart weeps for those histories. These memories your disciple will never regain. It seems he and I are destined to be apart, always star-crossed!

Indeed:  
Fate is cruelest to the hopeful lovers,  
Grounding their dreams like dusty rivers.”

“Your resolve is made of sturdier stuff than this, Golden Cicada,” Guanyin said, “Now wipe those pointless tears and heed my direction.” As Sanzang complied, she went on to say, “To avoid tragedy, you must leave Accumulated Thunder Mountain tomorrow. Wait until sunset, when the Bull King and Lady Iron Fan have retired. Beware of the Taoist Master and your pupil as you take your leave. Use the moonlight to guide your steps and follow the direction of the wind until you are safe.”

“Then what must I do?” Sanzang asked, to which Guanyin replied, “Await your instruction and let destiny do its work. All will be as it should be when your journey ends.” Weeping with gratitude, Sanzang kowtowed and cried, “Thank you, Bodhisattva! Thank you!” whereupon Guanyin silenced him with a wave of her hand and said, “Then do as I say, good Sanzang. And do wipe those unbecoming tears.” 

Guanyin took her leave in a show of cloudy mist and after he kowtowed before her one last time, Sanzang dried his face and packed his belongings. And though he itched to leave the Bull King’s family, he left two of his favorite Sutras on the stone bed because he wanted to see the demons succeed in finding the righteous way. He then took the Beautiful Monkey King’s seven seeds and pocketed them in his robe so they would lie by his breast. 

The following day, Sanzang went through with his regular duties. He recited sutras with the prince and reported his progress to Red Boy’s parents. And though he went about calmly, Sanzang’s cheerful spirits piqued the interest of the wicked Taoist. Seeing as he was jealous of Red Boy’s fondness for the priest and the Bull King’s insistence on keeping him, the Taoist Master wanted nothing more than to see him harm.

And so, after sunset, when all had taken their meals and Sanzang had completed a round of meditation with the antsy son and father, the inhabitants of Sky Scraping Cave retired to their quarters. When Sanzang entered his room to retrieve his belongings, he saw Red Boy and the Taoist Master sitting on his bed with dour expressions.

“It is as I said, my lord,” the Taoist Master said, “the venerable elder means to abandon you tonight.” Red Boy jumped up and stomped his feet in anger. He threw a tantrum so wild, the walls nearly cracked. Frozen with fear, Sanzang was unable to utter a word as the prince jabbed his side with the butt of his spear.

“Ow!” the monk cried in pain. “You have some nerve, old man!” Red Boy yelled, “I ought to teach you a lesson. Take him to the Hunting Grounds.” 

Despite Sanzang’s protests of innocence, the Taoist Master forced his arms behind his back and pushed him forward as Red Boy left the room. They ventured into the darkest corner of the cave, where a vertical tunnel led to a shadowy room far underground. Upon seeing the various contraptions of torture and death, that numb Sanzang couldn’t help but tremble madly.

It was:  
A sight of horrors for all decent men,  
Devices large and small,  
Of metal and wood,  
Meant to tear screams and draw blood,  
And on the ceilings hung,  
Cages brimming with mad animals,  
And dying demons,  
Victims of that Red Boy’s lust for blood.

“This is the first level of my holy hunting ground,” the prince said as he ordered the Taoist Master to place Sanzang on a table. “You’re so frail and useless, I’m sure you would die the moment I use any of these toys. So I’m settling with giving you a good scare instead.”

Red Boy stroked Sanzang’s chin and purred, “You’re lucky I like you so much, old man. But I think you owe me what’s due already.” And seeing the confusion flit over the priest’s face, he laughed and said, “Let me take your pretty body.”

The horrified Sanzang begged the prince to reconsider, but his words were ignored as Red Boy smacked his lips together and began pulling apart the monk’s robes. Fearing for the loss of his essential manhood, Sanzang forced his fears aside and kneed the prince in the chin. As Red Boy reeled from shock, Sanzang hopped off the table, threw off his heavy outer robes and ran back the way he came. 

Sanzang raced up the tunnel and away from the Hunting Grounds, heart pounding from adrenaline as he ran from the Taoist’s shouts of “After him! The Tang priest has escaped!” So desperate to get away from Red Boy’s hands, Sanzang ignored the ache in his lungs and the cramp in his legs as he felt his way to the entrance of Sky Scraping Cave.

See that chase:  
The demon prince fueled by rage and lust,  
The Tang priest filled with will and fear,  
One determined to ruin the other,  
One determined to save his virtue,  
A Taoist Servant and the Bull King’s demons,  
Running against the piety of Guanyin’s disciple,  
This desperate frolic.

“I’ve really done it now!” Sanzang thought as tears blurred his eyes, “I’m as good as dead if they catch me. What woe has befallen me!” He fell on his knees under the pale moonlight, rather out of breath and sore all over. The Tang priest was so caught up in his own low spirits, he failed to notice the three silhouettes approach him from behind.

When their shadows fell over him, Sanzang turned around and saw the outlines of a rhinoceros horn, an ugly pig head, and a red-bearded ogre. And as he opened his mouth to say “Please-!” they threw a bag over his form and carried him off in the easterly direction of the wind.

He who believes will persevere,  
The greatest instruction we revere.

If you don’t know where Sanzang was taken next and how he was rescued, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And hope you care to stick around for the next installment.


	3. The Great Sage Challenges Three Demons, The Tang Priest Reunites With His Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a huge thanks to everyone who's been reading this story! The Dread Pirate Roberts, I mean the Great Sage Equaling Heaven, reveals himself this time.

In times of deepest sorrow,  
Look to the inner mind,  
From the heart it will borrow,  
That which returns in triumph,  
It will lift the bodily spirits,  
And guide the troubles away.  
As river currents blue and flow,  
Until happiness is next to woe.

This story tells how the holy monk, Sanzang was spirited away by his kidnappers and removed from the bag thrown over his body when the three roughs reached their hiding spot. They entered a wooden boat and set out over the sea. Too terrified to speak, the priest could only weep as they put him on a wooden chair and lashed his arms to its back. “These monsters will surely kill me!” he thought miserably, “I worked so hard to free myself from Sky Scraping Cave, only to meet such a pitiful fate.”

His new tormentors were indeed hideous. See them in the moonlight:

Flaming red hair and beard,  
Atop an ogre the height of three men,  
Around his neck a string of skulls,  
And a fearsome devil’s face,  
This was Sha the Sand Demon.

Boar tusks and fearsome snout,  
Fat and gluttonous,  
Not man nor pig with his nine-toothed rake,  
The pig demon reincarnated from a sinful Marshal,  
This was Zhu Ganglie, the strong-maned pig.

A spear-sharp horn on leather skin,  
Snarling nose and clenching muscles,  
Black armor and a weapon in each hand,  
A demon rhinoceros,  
This was the single-horned rhinoceros lord.

The single-horned rhinoceros hovered over Sanzang and looked him over with judgmental eyes. He tsked and said, “So you’re the tutor to the Bull King’s son, Tang Sanzang?” Then the monk replied, “Yes, but I’ve greatly offended him and his men are after my head as we speak! You must release me at once to preserve your own lives.”

Hearing that, the single-horned rhinoceros laughed ghoulishly. He turned to his companions and said, “Did you hear that? The Bull King wants the venerable elder dead!” Ganglie snorted with laughter and said, “Bear with us, monk. There’s a lot of pay in store for us after we’re done with you. We were hired to whisk you away from Accumulated Thunder Mountain, kill you, and pin the blame on Liang.”

“Why would you do such a heinous thing?” Sanzang gasped.

The single-horned rhinoceros explained:

“So the Great Kingdom Tang will go to war with the Beautiful Kingdom Liang. You see, the Bull Demon King will attack Liang for his revenge if he thinks they killed you first. Wronged, the warriors of Liang will strike back and though he hails from Accumulated Thunder Mountain, the Bull King’s domain borders on Tang. And once word gets out that you and he were the root of all this, I can’t imagine the Tang Emperor would spare him.”

Head reeling with this strange plan, Sanzang asked, “But what do you have against him?” Ganglie then said, “You sure talk a lot, elder,” before following with, “We don’t know him and we don’t care about him. The Jade Fox Princess, his spurned concubine hired us to cause him trouble, and the pay’s all we need to follow through.”

Ah, when lovers part on nasty terms,  
Their malice will surely be fitting for worms. 

Seeing that the brutes were determined to end his life, Sanzang could only tremble and pray as they journeyed onward. The quiet Sha did his best to ease the Tang priest’s discomfort by putting cushions on his seat and massaging his sore wrists. And though he was too terrified to speak to the sand demon, Sanzang was grateful for his small kindness and a part of him desperately hoped Sha would find it in his heart to free him from this ordeal.

The roughs took the Tang priest over the western sea. Indeed:

The waters were filled with rocky waves,  
Splashing back and forth like a flailing squid,  
Into storm clouds and minute rains,  
Ignoring squeamish stomachs and human fears,  
The demons pushed their boat through,  
And docked on sandy shore.

Once they hit land, the first rays of dawn arrived. Laughing to themselves, Ganglie and the one-horned rhinoceros untied Sanzang from the chair and bound his wrists in front with a rope. The Tang Priest was then led off the boat and forced to walk at a pace that entertained the one-horned rhinoceros. Behind, Ganglie and Sha carried hefty luggage while their leader cried orders.

This was a foreign land:

Trees tall and straight,  
Branches full and abound with fruit,  
Jungle creatures delivering their cries,  
The ground covered with sand and grass,  
And ahead the destination,  
The Red Cliff,  
Jagged and sharp,  
A mountain of red clay,  
Unfit to climb.

Then Sanzang gave a scream of “Aah!” when that Sha slung him over his back and leaped up the cliff in great strides. At the top of the cliff, the roughs set him down and pitched their camp. Too tired to move, Sanzang sat with dirtied robes and thought in self-pity, “I’ve been humiliated and abused, with no respite for my trouble. And soon I’ll be slaughtered like cattle.”

After his captors had taken their share of food and drink, the Tang priest was offered a spit of raw meat by the sand demon, to which he vehemently refused. Water, however, would have been most desirous for his parched throat but Sanzang was too proud to ask. “If I am to die, it should be with dignity,” he muttered.

When the one-horned rhinoceros was feeling rested enough and when Ganglie had his fill of food and when there no more practicalities for Sha to attend, the three gathered their weapons and surrounded Sanzang. When he felt the pig demon’s nine-toothed rake tickle the nape of his neck, the Tang priest gulped in fear and shut his eyes. Feeling very sick, he steeled himself for the finishing blow and thought, “I shall come back for the western sutra in my next life! But at least I’ll be joining my dear Monkey King.”

But the blow never came. Sanzang heard Ganglie oink in pain and the one-horned rhinoceros fling curses at whatever blast of wind had overtaken them. The Tang priest dared to open his eyes and gasped when he saw the newcomer holding Ganglie’s rake in one hand and the rhino’s sword in the other. Who else could it be but the Great Sage Equaling Heaven?

Flying cape of blood crimson,  
Armor gold from head to toe,  
Twin feather prongs atop his crown,  
Tucked behind his sharp ear,  
The as-you-would golden cudgel,  
And a white mask of red and black,  
The opera player’s guise covered his face.

“You have some nerve coming in like this!” the one-horned rhinoceros snarled. He steadied his horn and charged, but the Great Sage dodged with ease. Ganglie came at him from behind with a complaint of “Give me back my rake!” At that, the Great Sage laughed and said, “Of course, of course!” He somersaulted away from the demon’s grip and threw the rake with ferocious glee. If not for Sha pulling his companion away, its teeth would no doubt have sunk into Ganglie’s exposed belly.

The one-horned rhinoceros flared his nostrils and charged once more. The Great Sage dropped the sword and jumped upon the brute’s back. He pulled the cudgel from his ear, cried “change!” and swung it down, now thick as a rice bowl. In fright, the one-horned rhinoceros rolled away, and before the Great Sage could attack again, Sha yelled, “Wait!”

He kowtowed before the gloating sage and said, “There is one of you and three of us. This is hardly a fair fight, so I propose we duel you one by one for a more even match.”

The sand demon was quite dull! Sanzang believed the Great Sage could murder the three with ease, but this strange intervention would allow the Tang priest  a few more minutes of life. But escape was out of sight.

“So you’re not as much of a barbarian as you look!” said the Great Sage, “Seeing as you lot have some honor, I’ll take you up on this request. So who wants a taste of my cudgel first?”

“I will!” Ganglie said, eager to shed his previous humiliation. He stepped forward and began his story:

“Do you know who I am?  
I once commanded eighty-thousand soldiers in heaven,  
My powers were vast and my legion infinite,  
I am the revered Marshal Tienpeng,  
Sent to Earth to endure punishment for harassing Chang-Er,  
In my failed courtship I took a turn through the wrong womb,  
And came to be as I am now,  
Master of thirty-six transformations,  
Zhu Ganglie.”

The Great Sage laughed and slapped his own thighs. “What a story!” he cried, “what a story!”

Weapon in hand, Ganglie approached the Great Sage and said, “A fancy creature like you would look good hanging from my rake!” Then the Great Sage replied, “But your ugly mug would terrible on my cudgel!” With that, the fight began.

See them charge:

The splendid Great Sage swinging his cudgel,  
Zhu Ganglie slashing with his nine-toothed rake,  
One confident in victory,  
The other burning with anger,  
They came at each other for sixty vicious rounds,  
Flying through the sky with punches and kicks,  
And the sound of weapons clashing,  
But Ganglie was no match for the Great Sage,  
With one kick to the chest,  
He faltered back,  
Just as the golden cudgel knocked rake from hand,  
And swung over head,  
Victory was decided,  
The Great Sage landed and Ganglie fell.

Sanzang watched the Great Sage step over Ganglie’s swollen head and say, “Come! Who’s next?” His anger fueled, the one-horned rhinoceros stomped his feet and barked, “Sha, I command you to tear him to shreds!”

With that, the sand demon approached. He raised his arms and stood to his impressive height, dwarfing the Great Sage. But the splendid Sage was not intimidated. He chuckled, said “change” and stuck the golden cudgel back into his ear once it shrunk to the size of a needle. “So it’s a boxing match you want? I’ll take you up!” he said with raised fists.

Sha nodded and began his story:

“I wish to fight fair,  
The guilt of a thousand weighs on me,  
Once General Juanlian in heaven,  
I smashed a divine bowl and won eight-hundred lashes,  
Sentenced to earth I became a demon,  
A man-eating monster with no mercy,  
Wishing to bestow my pain on all,  
I joined Zhu Ganglie and the one-horned rhinoceros lord,  
Who rescued me from my river of sand,  
And here I stand before you,  
Sha the Sand Demon.”

“Such a story!” the Great Sage laughed, “At least I wasn’t bored. Now let’s stop talking and fight!”

He leaped from his spot and landed a kick on Sha’s head. The sand demon grappled for his arms and roared. Amused, the Great Sage threw a fist into his jaw and pulled back for another blow. Sha dodged and swung down on the Great Sage’s scalp. See them box:

One determined to win and kill,  
One wanting to play and fight,  
They charged and parried left and right,  
Exchanging a thousand or so kicks,  
Blocking a thousand or so punches,  
For fifty some rounds they boxed about,  
But the splendid Sage showed no signs of fatigue,  
No punch could wear him down,  
No blow could deter his might,  
Sha was no match for the Great Sage Equaling Heaven,  
Who locked his arms about the demon’s neck,  
And choked until his vision went black.

When Sha fell, the Great Sage dusted his hands and let out a triumphant laugh. He pointed at the one-horned rhinoceros and said, “You! I’ll deal with you now and when I’ve ended your pathetic life, I’ll take the Tang priest and be on my way.”

“Amitabha!” Sanzang thought in exasperation, “no matter the victor, I shall die!” Indeed, he would either die for the Jade Fox Princess’s sinister plan or die at the hands of the man who killed his Monkey King. As he bemoaned his fate, the one-horned rhinoceros ransacked the roughs’ camp and produced two cups. He held up a wine skin, a wild fear in his eyes, and said, “You’ve had your fun with my men. But don’t think I’ll go down so easily!”

“Are you so afraid of me you’re going to drink yourself drunk?” the Great Sage accused. The one-horned rhinoceros laughed and said, “No! But ours shall be a battle of wits, not strength. One of these cups is wine and the other poison. Whoever leaves this challenge alive shall take the Tang priest.”

He put the cups on the ground, administered the poison with a vial from his pocket, discarded the vial, and began switching the cups about. The Great Sage came to stand by him and watched the cups move with silence. So busy with the cups, the one-horned rhinoceros failed to notice the vial roll under the Great Sage’s boot.

“Your man did say this would be a fair fight. I’ll honor his word,” the Great Sage said. He squatted, lifted that mask slightly enough to have a drink, and as soon as the one-horned rhinoceros removed his hands, began to move the cups around himself. When he finished, the one-horned rhinoceros said, “Now that the drinks are ready, let us begin!”

With no lag of time or spirit,  
They each took a cup,  
Spilled wine down their throats,  
And glowered without a word,  
One confident in victory,  
One waiting for surprise.

Just as the sun marked the day into noon, a painful gasp escaped the one-horned rhinoceros’ throat. He hacked and clutched his chest in pain, white foam frothing at his mouth, and bloodshot eyes rolling back. The Great Sage howled with laughter, revealed the vial in his hand, and said, “Both cups were poisoned, demon! But years of training have rendered my body with a cast of iron immune to such tricks!”

When the arrogant thinks too highly of his prospects,  
Fate shall always bring him down to size.

The Tang priest could now only wait as the Great Sage walked towards him and pulled him to his feet. In silence, he allowed the Great Sage to lead him away from the camp and back to the cliff’s edge.

“You’re quite the morose fellow, aren’t you? I have half a mind to whack in your sour face,” he taunted. Holding back tears, Sanzang felt a boiling rage for the man before him. “Do so if you wish!” he said, “there’s nothing more you can do to injure me than you haven’t already.” At that, the Great Sage tilted his head and asked, “Now what would that be?” 

Sanzang put a hand over his heart and answered, “You murdered someone very dear to me and his death has haunted me since. So if you wish to kill me, then do so now.” The Great Sage laughed, grabbed that hand, and said, “You accuse me of this crime. Well then, I won’t deny it. Who was this person? A monk, bandit, fisherman, merchant, pirate? Or was it that little monkey in his dingy raft?”

Sanzang yanked his hand away, shoved the Great Sage back and cried, “So you do remember your victims! Wicked man, I am taught not to harbor hatred, but for you, I can feel nothing but woe and unquenchable rage!” The Great Sage shrugged before saying, “Then what will it take to stop this rage? If I jump off this cliff, will you stop me?” 

Sanzang replied, “No, your fate does not concern me. Die for all I care! Do jump off- it matters not to me!” The Great Sage said, “Very well, then,” kowtowed, and dived off the Red Cliff with a shout of:

“But if I live, let’s go west!”

Upon hearing those words, Sanzang felt as if his blood had turned to ice. “Could it be?” he thought in a panic, “No! How can this be? But yet those words are his!” Indeed:

That person’s voice rung familiar,  
But Sanzang had been in no mood to notice,  
Now he hears it,  
As boastful and as shrill,  
As mocking and as pleasant,  
The Great Sage Equaling Heaven,  
Who had tailed his captors and come to his rescue,  
Was none other than his beloved Monkey King.

Without so much as a second thought, the Tang priest jumped off the cliff after the Great Sage. He flailed in the wind and felt the air leave his lungs, but there was nothing he would not do to see his love one more time. And just when he thought he had plunged into death, the Great Sage wrapped his arms around him and pulled Sanzang into a hard embrace. As they tumbled through the clouds, Sanzang felt that familiar gold tail escape the Great Sage’s cape and brush against his legs. There would be no better death! And yet the monk felt the need to pour out his many woes on the one creature who would listen. 

When they fell through another soft cloud and landed on a patch of green grass, Sanzang grabbed the front of the Monkey King’s cape and yelled, “If I die, then it shall be in your arms, you wretched ape!” The Great Sage removed his mask and grinned his sharp-toothed grin. He was exactly as the Tang priest remembered, with sleek gold hair on a face of a thunder god. “Stop whining. You’re alive, aren’t you?” he taunted.

“You have some nerve to tease me, wicked demon!” Sanzang said abusively, “I thought you were dead. You leave me so suddenly and give no thought to my misguided tears. Then you return and laugh at me! You’re truly a vile sort of beast!” The Great Sage gave a roll of his eyes and brushed away Sanzang’s angry tears with one hand before he said, “Insult me however you want, venerable elder. Beat me if you will and curse my name a thousand times, but this time you’ll have much trouble getting rid of me.”

Sanzang was overjoyed at hearing those words, but he refused to let the Great Sage know so he kept his face sour. “You have a lot of explaining to do, rotten ape.” The Great Sage nodded two or so times and said, “Of course. Of course. Where do I begin?

Shortly after I left the monastery at the edge of the Great Kingdom Tang,  
I searched far and wide as my legs would go,  
Whereupon I heard from a woodchopper of a great master,  
So in search of this master I went,  
In hopes of refining my own skill,  
All with the goal of returning to your side,  
But as I had to cross the Southern Sea,  
I crafted a raft of wood and set sail,  
Ignoring the taunts of those other sailors on the rough waters,  
And to my initial misfortune a man came from the sky,  
A power-hungry tyrant seeking fame far and wide,  
The Great Sage Equaling Heaven.

I alone withstood his attack,  
And taking amusement from my lack of human nature,  
The Great Sage took me in,  
For that year I served as his pet,  
A shameless jester for him to poke and prod,  
But this Great Sage went by the name of Puti the immortal,  
And in his long lifespan of loneliness,  
He wanted for a companion,  
And so I went from slave to friend until I became his trusted disciple,  
Onto me he passed the seventy-two transformations,  
The ability to somersault one-hundred-eighty-thousand li in one flip,  
His trusted Jin Dou cloud,  
And the as-you-would golden cudgel.

He named me Sun for the monkey ‘sun,’  
And crafted a name from wu and kong,  
So from him I became,  
Awakened to Emptiness,  
Sun Wukong.

My Master’s only condition was that I take his place,  
As that Great Sage when he sought to hide in his cave,  
Away from the gods who deemed him criminal for achieving immortality,  
So I waited until that day and immediately returned to Tang,  
Where I found that you had gone to Sky Scraping Cave,  
And once more I mounted the Jin Dou cloud,  
Until I saw you grabbed by those foul brutes.

I followed you to the Red Cliff island,  
Waiting to see if they were friend or foe,  
And when I had learned their plans,  
Revealed myself to do away with them,  
But seeing as you never showed much feeling for me,  
Old Sun wished to see if you remembered me,  
And that venerable elder,  
Is where we leave off.”

“I forbid you from testing me ever again,” Sanzang said, “you may be Sun Wukong, but I am Tang Sanzang, and have every right to be known as your Master.” The Great Sage kowtowed and said, “Of course, venerable master, of course,” to which Sanzang said, “There hasn’t been a day gone by that I purged you from my mind. You and you alone were the only desire I have not conquered.”

His heart filled with joy, Wukong took the Tang priest’s hands in his own and said, “Oh Master, how I’ve yearned to hear those words! For that sentiment alone, I would gladly brave the waters one again and relive every woe.” Sanzang clutched those hands and said, “Then make good on your promise and never leave my side again! For your Master is living a wonderful dream and he wishes to never awake.” 

“Don’t be delusional, old man,” Wukong said, “this is reality and it’s best to steer away from those morbid thoughts.” Sanzang replied, “I suppose you’ll always be a foul-mouthed ape, but I’ll find it in me to put up with you regardless.” At that, the Great Sage answered, “And you’ll always be frail and uptight, but I shall remain devoted.”

Before Sanzang could further respond to the Monkey King’s teasing, their reunion was interrupted with a cry of “Great Sage!” from the sky. Do you know who it was?

The long sleek body of a dragon,  
White scales and curled claws,  
Landed and morphed into a man,  
With a flowing mane and billowing robes,  
It was he who had disappeared from the Great Kingdom Tang,  
This was the Dragon Prince of the western sea.

“Have you found your priest?” the prince asked. He kowtowed before Sanzang and said, “Venerable elder! It is an honor to meet you!” Sanzang bid him to rise and said, “Your highness, how is it that you know Wukong?” 

“My father sought for my execution after I broke his prized crystal out of vanity. Shortly after my escape, he was killed by a hundred-eyed demon:

A filial son has failed on all fronts,  
I refused to return home,  
Until I had avenged and reconciled with my father,  
And falsely thinking his murderer was the Great Sage Equaling Heaven,  
I challenged him to a duel and lost with barely my life,  
But the Great Sage was a kindly king,  
He knew my motives were honorable and my reasoning deceived,  
So he took me on as his companion,  
And together we searched for his beloved priest,  
And the killer of my father.”

Wukong nodded and said, “And now that we’ve found you, Master, we can begin our quest for the hundred-eyed demon.” Sanzang shuddered before saying, “I would rather not partake in this quest.” The prince smiled and said, “Do not worry, Master. This is a journey I shall finish alone.”

They were once more interrupted by a cry of “Great Sage! Your highness!” from the sky. Now who was it?

A youth decked in lotus and red,  
Hair in ribbons,  
And feet upon rings of fire,  
It was he who left the Great Kingdom Tang,  
The spirit of divine Nezha!

The boy landed and kowtowed before Sanzang. “I am glad you are safe, venerable elder.” Feeling rather embarrassed by the onslaught of attention, Sanzang thanked him and once more asked how he came to know the Great Sage.

“After my blood restored the honor of my parents, my mother built a shrine in my name and helped my soul ascend. Now a warrior of heaven, I took to my duties with pride:

I was sent to capture the Great Sage Equaling Heaven,  
And found him a most worthy opponent,  
But his companion,  
The Dragon Prince of the western sea,  
Pressed on for his father’s murderer and accused my friend,  
Erlang Shen the Illustrious Sage of doing the deed.

I cleared the True Lord’s name,  
And touched by the prince’s filial nature,  
I swore an oath to help him find his father’s killer,  
And doubly moved by the Great Sage’s loyalty,  
I befriended both.”

Nezha took the prince by the arm and said, “If the venerable elder does not wish to partake in finding the western king’s murderer, we shall not force him. Great Sage, be wary- I saw the Bull Demon King’s troops at the edge of the island. They must be in search of the Tang priest. I know you’re a tough one, but the Bull King is no pushover.”

“Your warning’s useful but we can make do,” the Great Sage said arrogantly, “I’ll leave you two to take care of the roughs that captured the venerable elder, Zhu Ganglie and the Sha demon. I may have left them alive. Make sure they stay off our trail. I’ll take Master off this island.”

“Why can’t we simply fly off?” Sanzang asked, feeling rather dumb, to which Nezha said, “Human bones are too dense to sit on a cloud. It would be more practical to leave the Red Cliff by regular means. I wish you good luck, venerable elder.”

“Yes, leave the roughs to us and be on the look out for the Bull King,” the prince warned. He and Nezha exchanged kowtows with Sanzang and the Great Sage before taking off once more into the sky. 

Once the duo had flown off, Wukong extended a hand and said, “Come Master, let us make our way off this cliff.” Sanzang placed his hand in that palm and allowed himself to be led away on careful steps. “You best not get us killed, monkey.” At that, the Great Sage only laughed.

In the midst of greatest joy,  
Danger is ever present to toy.

If you don’t know how the Great Sage overcame the challenges on Red Cliff island and what the Bull Demon King has in store for Sanzang, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and kudos/comments are more than welcome! I still think this AU fit way more nicely that it should have.


	4. The Lovers Overcome Trials, The Tang Priest Is Once More Captured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! This cracky AU is ready for another update now. Again, thank you to everyone who's read and left kudos (I didn't expect anyone to read this, so it was a super pleasant surprise to see that people are enjoying it!).

Those who know true joy,  
Have looked past running wounds,  
To accept the future like koi,  
That which swims upstream,  
And follows the path of clarity,  
Away from a sinful gleam.  
For success is but a mountain more,  
Through which a fateful bird can soar.

This story tells how the splendid Great Sage and the Tang priest crossed the ordeals of Red Cliff island. After traveling for a period of time through grass and woodland, the pair found a substance of cold white sand beneath their feet. Sanzang held his robes above his knees to avoid dampening the fabric, and was a touch embarrassed when Wukong said, “What are you doing with that armful of cloth, old man? Afraid to get them wet?”

“Don’t tease me,” Sanzang said with a glare, “I fear this sand is really snow, and I have no intention of catching ill!” After hearing those words, the Great Sage chuckled and looked upon his own body. He found his fur stiff and wet from the cool sand, and concluded the desert was indeed filled with snow:

All around the lonely path,  
Smooth sands roughened white,  
Hiding snow that fell from under,  
Which chilled the traveler to the bone.

Wukong pulled the monk’s sleeve, and together, they slugged through the stretching desert, though the sand rose an inch with every step. Sanzang felt snow press against his waist when they reached the middle of those friendless sands, and cried, “Wukong! We’re sinking!” The Monkey King grabbed both of Sanzang’s hands after hearing his cry, and with a chuckle, said, “Fear not, Master. Do you really think icy quicksand can hold me, the master of seventy-two transformations? Be still and hold onto me. Old Sun will free us from this in a blink of an eye.”

The Tang priest pushed back his doubts and clung to Wukong as they sunk. The deathly snow dragged them into its pits, and when Sanzang was ready to say his final prayer, the Great Sage cried, “Change!” blew several strands of fur in the southernmost direction, and summoned a legion of tiny monkeys to fill the gaps above and below them. The dutiful macaques pushed and pulled until the pair was free, whereupon the Great Sage tossed Sanzang into the air, leaped out of the sinkhole, and caught him halfway across the desert.

“You gave me a terrible fright,” Sanzang gasped as he shook in Wukong’s arms, to which the monkey rolled his eyes and said, “I told you we would prevail, Master. Trust Old Sun and nothing can go wrong.” The Tang priest jumped out of his embrace and assessed their new surroundings. They were on dry land at last:

Red earth cracking all around,  
Of yellow and scarlet leaves,  
Dried under a scorching sun,  
Ponds of fire that burnt and smoked,  
This was the Fire Swamp,  
Of Red Cliff Island.

Sanzang felt blisters spring upon his soles with every step, the ground too hot for his skin to bear. The holy priest wiped his brow of sweat and said, “Wukong, how do we make our way of here? I fear it might be our destiny to burn to a crisp before we escape this land.” The Great Sage laughed again and said, “Fear not, old man! I had predicted this would happen and brought with me a gift from the good prince.” From his belt, he pulled out a cordial of translucent water. See it gleam:

A case forged from the palace of the western sea,  
Inside a drop of fresh dragon’s blood,  
A delicate blue gentle as calming water,  
And brutal as rolling storms,  
This royal tamer of fire.

Wukong popped its cork and spread its contents into the nearest pond. Sanzang gaped as the liquid took root and spread from one inch to the next, until that hellish landscape was all but painted blue. Smoke arose, danced in the air, and disappeared into cold mist. “Now the path is clear, Master,” Wukong said proudly, head held high, “please step on ahead.” His heart joyful, the Tang priest clapped his hands and said, “There is no end to your miracles! Come, let us leave this awful land at last!”

And so, hand in hand, the good pair crossed the fire swamp, most jovial at having once more overcome a trial. They soon entered a jungle of tangled vines and sharp leaves, no less menacing than the climates they had just passed through. “We’ll be at the island’s end soon,” Wukong said, to which the monk replied, “Amitabha, good, good.”

No sooner had those left Sanzang’s mouth, the pair found themselves assailed with dozens of gleaming red eyes. The Great Sage placed himself in front of Sanzang and held up a hand to shush the priest’s incoming scream. Indeed:

Hideous creatures hung from treetops,  
Behind bushes and under leaves,  
These were rats the size of small children,  
Frazzled fur matted with blood and dirt,  
Fangs pointed and fit for eating man,  
Rodents of unusual size,  
The monsters closed in from all corners.

“Get on my back, Master,” Wukong commanded, “an old man like you wouldn’t last a minute with this lot.” That terrified Sanzang eagerly complied and with a hushed, “What will you do now?” wrapped both arms around the Great Sage’s neck. At that, Wukong grinned, pulled out the as-you-would golden cudgel from his ear and said, “Your Grandpa Sun will grind them to dust!” He then turned to the rodents and shouted, “Come!”

They jumped at once. Watch:

The snarling creatures leap,  
Teeth gnashing and bloodlust boiling,  
The splendid Sage knocked them back with each whack,  
Eager to submit them to his will,  
One group determined to devour flesh,  
The other desperate to survive.

Whack! Whack! Whack!  
The Great Sage lifted his cudgel and struck,  
Leaving meat patties in his bloody wake,  
A murderous macaque against carnivorous rats,  
Again and again they fought,  
Ignorant to the Tang priest’s fear.

A brave few rodents dared to fight,  
Teeth latched onto the Monkey King’s arm,  
Splattering gold fur with blood red,  
Until the Great Sage swung back,  
And sent their heads rolling off.

With a blow of golden hairs,  
A hundred splendid sages burst from the air,  
And smashed the rodents into red smears,  
Until the jungle was silent with death.

Victorious, the Great Sage cackled as he retracted the obedient clones. He tucked away the golden cudgel and once more, set Sanzang on his feet. Still trembling and pallid, the Tang priest nearly fainted on the spot. “What an ordeal!” he thought. “Wukong, I cannot tolerate such violence,” he said, at which the Great Sage scoffed and said, “Don’t be such a hypocrite, old man. You made no such complaint when Old Sun disposed of your brutes.”

“I feel sick,” Sanzang said and he was indeed quite green, but upon seeing that mangled arm, forgot his woes, and cried, “You’re hurt!” He then held up Wukong’s arm with gentle hands to inspect its damage. The limb’s armor and fur had been chewed off, and all that remained was a mess of blood. But the Great Sage showed no signs of pain and merely laughed before saying, “This is nothing, Master! Why concern yourself with this? Old Sun’s never been better.”

“Lying is most dreadful, you rotten ape,” the Tang priest said with a shake of his head. With that, he tore off a strip of his robe and bound the arm until it was swathed in blood-stained white. “I am much obliged, Master. You really shouldn’t have troubled yourself,” Wukong said, taken aback. At that, Sanzang merely replied, “What a monkey.” And as they embraced, a shadow fell over them and spoke: “Have you had enough fun, venerable elder?”

Who do you think it was?  
The Bull Demon King of Sky Scraping Cave at Acclimated Thunder Mountain,  
His son Red Boy the dreadful prince,  
The conniving Taoist Master,  
And their army of junior devils.

“Old Bull, why don’t you take your ugly mug and scamper away,” the Great Sage replied, once more pushing Sanzang behind himself, to which the Bull King growled, “You damned ape! I’ll have your head before either of us leaves!” Wukong pulled out the golden cudgel, thrust it in front of him, and said, “Such big words! Your Grandpa Sun, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven, is here to beat you to dust!”

As the Bull King pulled out his ax and charged, the Great Sage whispered, “change!” threw out a clone and sent it rushing away with the Tang priest. With a yelp, Sanzang felt the cloned sage carry him off, barely glimpsing the clash of an ax blade with the golden cudgel. “Wukong!” he couldn’t help but cry. Sanzang was thrust forward on the ground as a burst of fire burnt that clone to a crisp.

Crawling away, the panicking monk soon found himself face to face with the sea Red Cliff sat upon. As he sat up, he felt a rough hand seize the back of his robes and pull him back. Spear in hand, that cruel Red Boy looked into his eyes and grinned. “Thought you could escape me so easily, old man?” Petrified with fear, Sanzang kowtowed and said, “Amitabha! I meant no ill.”

Red Boy kicked him down and pointed his spear at the priest’s chest. “You’ve wronged me well enough,” he said, “and caused my old man enough trouble. I ought to slay you and eat your flesh, but I’m feeling merciful today.” He looked back at the Bull King’s fight. Watch:

The Great Sage struck one more blow,  
The Bull Demon King fell with a wretched crack,  
And before the splendid sage could strike twice,  
The Taoist Master called from behind:  
“Sun Wukong! Great Sage Equaling Heaven!”

Oh, Great Sage! A pity to fall for trickery!  
He turned his head and called “what!”  
Before a gourd in the Taoist’s hands,  
Sucked him in with a swirl of wind,  
And was capped shut.

Red Boy clapped his hands and said, “That ape got his comeuppance! That gourd will turn him to fine wine.” In horror, Sanzang cried, “Surely that can’t be true!” His heart brimming with envy at Sanzang’s concern, Red Boy squeezed the priest’s chin and said, “A wine made from your precious sage will go good with your tender flesh. Ha!” His face streaked with tears, Sanzang took the demon’s hands in his own and pleaded, “Please, tell your father to spare him! Prince of Sky Scraping Cave, there is nothing Tang Sanzang will not do to appease you if you let Wukong go.”

His sincerity is true,  
His love is loyal.

The wicked Red Boy was eager to use the Tang priest’s devotion. So nodding, he said, “Fine, I’ll spare your ape. But you must return with me. Don’t forget your promise.” Sanzang kowtowed in gratitude, crying at the prince’s feet as he said, “I will never go back on my word!” At that, Red Boy sneered and said, “Then resume your post as my tutor- from this day forth, I shall make you my humble servant and you have no right to refuse me anything.”

Although his words sent a shudder down Sanzang’s back, the poor priest could only nod and say, “Thank you, young master. I shall obey.” Red Boy pulled him up and pushed him towards the Bull King’s crowd. As Sanzang once more fell in with that band of devils, his heart plummeted like a sinking stone, but when he glanced at the gourd in the Taoist Master’s hands, felt some noble comfort at the thought of Wukong’s life. “Once they let him go, he will surely return for me,” the Tang priest thought to himself.

As the group mounted a ship and prepared to journey back to Acclimated Thunder Mountain, a hulking figure was privy to the entire exchange. Who could it be but Sha the sand demon? He turned to inform his sleeping companion, the gluttonous Zhu, of what had transpired when he found himself accosted by a lotus ring.

Glorious Nezha appeared before him,  
Standing on his wheel of fire,  
And beside him,  
The dragon prince of the western sea,  
Both ordered to capture the hiding demons.

“What’s this!? You let Old Zhu be!” the pig demon cried, caught in a net thrust by the dragon prince. As he and Sha flailed, their captors took them in with ease, mounted them on a pile of clouds, and prepared to leave. “You owe us an explanation, don’t you?” Zhu Ganglie demanded. Thinking his request fair, the dragon prince spoke:

“I am the prince of the western sea,  
Long have I left home in search of my father’s killer,  
In my quest I chanced upon,  
Li Nezha the third son of heavenly king Li,  
Who once broke a dragon’s horns,  
And shed his bone and skin for his family’s honor,  
A filial son most divine.  
Our band is led by he of infinite skill and seventy-two transformations,  
The one you crossed not long ago,  
The Great Sage Equaling Heaven,  
Who has ordered your capture before we leave.”

“I’ll kill that ape next chance I get!” Ganglie barked, and heavenly Nezha merely laughed. Sha looked upon the dragon prince. Indeed, he had seen that face before:

Far wiser and weathered,  
Royal blood and demeanor,  
The king of fish and shrimp,  
A dragon quick to temper,  
The father of Prince Ao Liu,  
That sire of Bailong,  
The King of the western sea.

“Your highness!” the sand demon cried, realization having dawned at last, “you seek vengeance on he who killed your father. I was witness to him today!” The prince stiffened and descended upon him. “Lying is most treacherous! But if you speak the truth, then my day of reckoning has finally arrived!” Sha asked the prince to spare he and his companion’s lives before saying, “I swear on my position as General Juanlien! The one who killed your father is the Thousand-eyed Demon, the Taoist Master who serves Prince Red Boy at Sky Scraping Cave of Acclimated Thunder Mountain!”

Those words pierced the royal heart,  
Sprung rage within his dragon blood,  
And moved the prince to action,  
For at long last he had found the killer,  
Now he will avenge his father,  
And put his heart’s troubles to rest.

“Wonderful news, brother!” Nezha said in congratulations, “come, we must pursue the villain at once. If you swear what you say is true, demon, then you will waste no time in bringing us to that cretin’s lair.” Sha kowtowed as the youth released him from his binds before telling them about all that he saw. “If I’d known that was the key to freedom, I wouldn’t have taken such a long nap!” Ganglie thought in exasperation. 

“Let us find the Great Sage and overcome the villain,” the dragon prince said. And so, the four banded together and prepared to journey south in pursuit of the western majesty’s slayer. As they traveled, the Bull King’s troops returned to Sky Scraping Cave, merry at having captured the Tang priest and defeated the Great Sage. As soon as they arrived, Red Boy saw his mother, the fiery Princess Iron Fan engaged in combat with the Jade vixen that had stolen away his father.

“What’s all this fuss now!?” the Bull King demanded, only to hear Red Boy howl with laughter and say, “You cuckold! Your mistress and wife are dueling to the death. It’s true when they say he who cheats will only injure himself.” Behind them, the Tang priest watched in terror as he was passed on from one set of devilish hands to the next. See that duel:

Princess Iron Fan and her mighty winds,  
A sword in each hand,  
Blue bandanna swaying,  
Dress sharp as knives,  
The Jade Fox Princess and her claws,  
Bow and arrow shooting at will,  
One determined to punish her husband,  
The other determined to usurp his wife.

“You have quite the nerve, whore!” Lady Iron Fan roared, “stealing my husband and framing him for taking the Tang priest!” At this, the Jade Fox Princess said, “Old woman, you’re no match for me! He grew tired of your unappealing countenance! And I had nothing to do with your little priest!” 

Again they clashed,  
Little devils flung everywhere,  
Casualties of the ladies’ war,  
Sky Scraping Cave was a mess indeed,  
Of crumbling rocks and storms within.

They fought for fifty rounds more, but Sanzang was not witness to the result, for he had soon been led away and shoved into a tiny cell, half the size of his old dwelling at Sky Scraping Cave. Damp and cold, he hugged himself and wept in self pity. From outside the cell, Red Boy said, “Get a hold of your tears, old man! I’ll be back for you tomorrow. Oh yes, I have great plans for you!”

The villainous prince then turned and took his servant aside. The Taoist Master held up the wine-brewing gourd and asked, “Young master, shall I release the Great Sage as per your promise?” Red Boy scoffed and said, “Yes, we’ll let him out but I’d sooner die than set him free. Take him to the Hunting Grounds, stick a sickle in his collarbone, and do whatever you please with him.”

“And would you like me to appease your parents as well?” the Taoist Master asked. Red Boy shook his head and said, “There’s no point. I paid those brutes to kidnap that silly priest, should he choose to defy me, and pinned the blame on my father’s mistress. It’d serve that homewrecker right if she died by mother’s hand. And I could care less for the Kingdom Tang- it will be much fun to see another war. I’ve been awfully bored.”

“Most clever, young master, most clever,” the sycophant said, bowing with each word. Then a terrible thought seized him. “Red Boy is rather fond of that useless monk. But Tang Sanzang’s heart belongs to the monkey demon. If I can goad the prince’s jealousy, then I will have much fun with the Hunting Grounds,” he thought. “The venerable elder has quite the soft spot for the Great Sage,” he said to Red Boy, “it really is a shame that he would prefer an ugly macaque to your highness.”

The flames of jealousy rose,  
His spurned heart burst with rage,  
Wretched Red Boy felt that dread.

“That’s none of your business!” Red Boy snapped. He gave the Taoist Master a clout on the ear and said, “But come to think of it, that ape’s mug bothers me. Make him beg for death and offer not a morsel of mercy!” Satisfied, the Taoist Master kowtowed and said, “Of course, young master, of course.”

Then Red Boy returned to his father’s side at the entrance of Sky Scraping Cave, delighted at the wicked ploy he had pulled over Princess Iron Fan and the Jade Fox Princess. The Taoist Master carried the gourd into the untouched underground and walked into the Hunting Grounds with brisk ease. Remembering Red Boy’s instructions, he grabbed a sharpened sickle-shaped scythe from that rack of horrible tools and set the gourd down. When he released its cork, the Great Sage manifested in haze of drunken mist. 

Before Wukong could react, the Taoist Master pierced his collarbone with that blade and limited the seventy-two transformations. Still coming to his senses, the Great Sage could only writhe and pull against the scythe as the Taoist Master pushed him into the rightmost contraption. It was:

Tall as a coffin and wide as a table,  
Made of wood and steel,  
A devilish tool that latched onto whoever went in,  
The favorite dark treasure of wicked Red Boy,  
This Bed of Samadhi Fire,  
Forged from Lao Tzu’s cauldron,  
Built by the Yanluo’s demons.

His body unbearably hot, the Great Sage cried out again and again until he found himself covered in sweat. “You think you can keep me here?” he said as he glared up at the Taoist Master. The latter pressed on the sage’s injured arm and said, “I’ve cut off your magic and trapped you in the bed of Samadhi fire. You’ll be fried to a crisp soon enough, but I’m under orders to keep you alive.”

“Why don’t you come in here and face your Grandpa Sun like a man!?” Wukong yelled, most indignant at having been trapped. The sadistic Taoist now pushed on the sickle-shaped scythe and laughed as it sunk to its handle. “It must have pierced a rib by now,” Wukong thought gravely as he watched the blood seep over fur, “but what he says is true. Without magic, I’m as good as gone in this fire.”

“What did you do with my master?” he demanded, to which the Taoist Master said, “He’s been put away for now. Though it doesn’t matter what we do with him afterwards, seeing as you won’t live long enough to know either way.” Enraged, Wukong attempted to bite the Taoist’s hand but the servant moved away in time. “This ape is quite a handful,” he thought to himself, and was pleased when he used both palms to raise the flames bit by bit.

Indeed, the Great Sage struggled:

The fire burned all in its way,  
Lashing at his body like wind against sail,  
Offering no respite for his bleeding wounds,  
And caused the Monkey King much suffering,  
Of misery fit only for hell.

This cycle went on for hours and more,  
The Taoist Master raising the dreadful flames,  
The Great Sage screaming against the pain,  
One laughing at his strengthened cruelty,  
The other failed by his weakened body.

When at last, the Taoist Master had grown bored with torturing his prisoner, he lowered the flames and watched the Great Sage struggle to stay awake. In too much pain to speak, Wukong glowered at the Taoist as he felt his head hang. “I’ll let the prince know you’ve cooked rather well,” the Taoist said. He then offered the Great Sage a false smile and left the Hunting Grounds, with the intention of checking on Princess Iron Fan’s feud.

Meanwhile, Sanzang had meditated through the hours and realized at last that the Jade Fox Princess had been framed. “If Red Boy is as cruel as to trick his parents, I see no hope for his releasing that monkey, so it seems I’m destined to be on my own,” he thought, fresh tears brimming at his eyes. But before the Tang priest could devise a plan, he heard the demon prince’s voice at his door.

“Clean yourself up, old man! I have a lot in store for you!” that Red Boy called. Angered at the taunt in his voice, Sanzang put his tears aside and said, “It matters not to me, you devil! Take my essential manhood if you must! I have only desired Sun Wukong and no one else!” As soon as those words left his mouth, the head of a spear burst through the door, a sign of Red Boy’s temper.

“You’ll regret this, alright!” the prince said. He kicked the door three more times before pulling back the spear and saying, “Mark my words, old man, I’ll have you begging for death when I’m through with you!” Once more fueled with a murderous rage, Red Boy stomped away from the cell without waiting to hear the priest’s reply. 

He made his way into the Hunting Grounds with only one desire in mind: the destruction of he who has what Red Boy does not. “I don’t care if they say an act of brashness only yields trouble,” he thought, “I’ll repay with trouble tenfold.” When he arrived, he saw Wukong still trapped in the bed of Samadhi Fire. See that pitiful visage:

Head hung low,  
Golden fur dyed red,  
The sickle-shaped scythe still in his collar,  
Mangled arm with bandages gone,  
The flames still dancing on his skin,  
The Great Sage Equaling Heaven thus reduced.

“Wake up, you damned ape!” Red Boy commanded. Weakly, the Great Sage lifted his head and said, “Come to surrender to your Grandpa Sun? I might spare your life if you shut your trap.” Once more, Red Boy wondered what that Sanzang saw in this monkey demon. The thought drove him twice mad.

He stuck his spear into the prisoner’s torso, twisted and pulled with a snarl. But the Great Sage only laughed, tilted his head, and said, “What’s this? You have no manners, you feisty brat.” Red Boy jumped back, punched himself in the nose, and released a sharp breath of fire in the bed’s direction. He heard that monkey screech as it blew over his eyes, but once again, the Great Sage chose to laugh at him.

An enemy’s tears are not always cause for happiness,  
But an enemy’s laughter is worse than a loved one’s sadness.

“I’ll kill you, wretched ape!” Red Boy howled as he jumped back yet again, the spear forgotten. The prince had drawn blood from him and blinded him, but it was not enough to satisfy his vendetta against the Great Sage. He smashed himself in the nose and let out a roar of fire against the Samadhi flames.

The bed of fire twisted and rose,  
Its unholy fire reached to its height,  
Burning past the body,  
And into the soul,  
Until the essence within was ready to flee.

Unable to hold in the pain any longer, Wukong let out a noise that echoed throughout Sky Scraping Cave and past the skies of Acclimated Thunder Mountain. 

In the midst of greatest suffering,  
Life and death are surely fleeting.

If you don’t know how Nezha revived the Great Sage and how Sanzang was rescued from Sky Scraping Cave, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for reading!


	5. The Honored Virtuous One Revives The Mind Ape, The Fated Lovers Prevail In The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter of this cracky Journey to the West-Princess Bride fusion! Again, thanks to everyone for supporting this story. I'm still amazed that people who aren't me are reading this haha, and it was honestly such a wonderful surprise to know you all enjoyed this story! The final chapter is dedicated to all of you!
> 
> * There's a tiny (and equally cracky) crossover with another myth at the very end; hope this little easter egg is fun.

When the clouds of rocky storms clear,  
Distant rains will part in time past,  
And rays of light will shine most dear,  
Upon that which embraces patience,  
The most revered among such traits,  
As if blessed with ancestors’ holy incense.  
Yet when the most daunting is overcome,  
Only towards light can man’s heart become.

This story tells how the Dragon Prince of the western sea led his party of four through the clouds in search of his father’s killer. As they soared, his ears were privy to the sound of a sky-splitting screech, so loud that it gave the entire band pause. Nezha was the first to react when he said, “That sound seemed to have come from the southerly direction.”

At that, Ganglie, with a flap of his mighty ears, replied, “Indeed, it seems to be from Acclimated Thunder Mountain.” The demon Sha nodded and said, “Then we must be nearing our destination. That’s where the Bull Demon King and his family reside, consorts in tow.” Knowing the mountain to be where the Tang priest and the Great Sage were taken, Bailong felt an ounce of unease press over his pounding heart.

To make by right by one’s kin is duty,  
To do right by one’s friend is choice.

“Third majesty,” he said to Nezha, “that scream was familiar. There is little difference between a scream and a cackle, and I have reason to believe we were shaken by the Great Sage’s cry.” Upon hearing those words, Nezha said, “Your reasoning is sound, brother. Then come, we must away and rescue our friend before we avenge your father.”

Having come to a decision on what to do next, the band moved along their way. See them go:

Rushing through clouds of fabric white,  
Above rippling waters north and south,  
Blind to the birds and trees below,  
They went on a journey,  
That would have taken days by foot,  
And minutes by sky.

Until they chanced upon the jagged rocks,  
Guarded by ugly devils large and small,  
Shadowed with hellfire and demon essence,  
Home of the Bull Demon King,  
Acclimated Thunder Mountain.

One by one flew into Sky Scraping Cave,  
On noiseless feet and barely a breath,  
Divine Nezha at the helm,  
Without casting an eye at the women’s fearsome battle,  
They followed the echoes of the Great Sage’s screams,  
Into the damned hunting grounds.

Rather amused by the torture chamber, Ganglie laughed and said, “My, a kinky fellow the bull prince is!” At this joke, the dragon prince wrinkled his nose in disgust. What low brow companions we’ve collected, he thought to himself. Ahead, having found the Bed of Samadhi Fire, Nezha cried, “Your highness, quickly! I fear the Great Sage is in poor sorts!” Indeed:

All that remained was a bloodied carcass,  
The ape’s body stiff and charred,  
Countenance fixed in frozen agony,  
The result of a most tragic death.

Risking the Samadhi flames, good Nezha reached in with his own brand of fire and pulled the Great Sage out. Having gathered Wukong into his arms, Nezha wept and said, “You were a worthy friend, Great Sage! To meet this end is most unjust!” Shocked by this outcome, the dragon prince knelt and mourned, weeping as he said, “Words are insufficient to say what I feel! Great Sage, you were my brother when I had not a friend in the three worlds. To think:

We had found your priest,  
My revenge within the grasp of my hand,  
How fast we came to success,  
And how quickly we fail,  
Bailong has failed you as I failed my father!”

Bellowing with laughter, the pig demon put a hand on Bailong’s back and said, “Your highness, let’s stop this show already.” At that, the dragon prince snapped, “Demon, how dare you!” Ganglie then put up his hands in defense and answered, “What I’m getting at is that this monkey isn’t dead. Old Zhu knows a dead demon when he sees one. Look:

The spirits have fled from his seven orifices,  
The heart has stopped,  
And the body is indeed quite worn,  
But the essential essence remains,  
Seventy-two transformations is seventy-two lives,  
For seventy-one remain.”

His hopes raised, Nezha wiped his tears and asked, “Then what do you propose we do?” Ganglie took the Great Sage from Nezha’s grip and said, “Though this macaque is heavier than he looks, it should be no issue for us to take him up into heaven. When I was General Tienpeng, I knew a celestial by the name of Daode Tianzun, the Honored Virtuous One.”

At that, Nezha jumped up and said, “Taishung Laojun, of course! He must have a way. Come, let us go visit his office immediately!” Moved by these hopes, the dragon prince nodded as well and once more led their band out of Sky Scraping Cave, leaving the sand demon behind to look for the Tang priest. See them depart:

Again out of the damp undergrounds,  
Far from the land of Sky Scraping Cave,  
Above Acclimated Thunder Mountain,  
Undetected by the lazing devils about.

Through cloud and sky they roamed,  
Soaring until they reached Nezha’s home,  
Preceded by the gates of that heavenly palace,  
Pillars of gold and crimson,  
The eternal paradise of gods and fairies,  
The immortal tien gong.

Once they arrived, Nezha wasted no time in hailing a celestial guard and saying, “Send his son’s regards to heavenly king Li. I and my companions have a most urgent matter to attend. We seek the company of the Honored Virtuous One. Tell him that his third highness requests him at once.” After the guard departed, Zhu wiggled his nose and said, “My, this place hasn’t changed at all. Just as pretty as I remembered from the olden days. Ah, if only I were so lucky. Now here I am, stuck with you lot and this face, holding a bloodied ape.”

At that, Bailong said, “Don’t speak too soon, pig. The Great Sage would be most unappreciative of such comments.” Ganglie replied, “He can’t take revenge on what he hasn’t heard.” Before the argument could move on, the guard returned with Taishung Laujun. He was:

A figure old and white,  
Robes crisp and simple yet refined,  
Silver hair and beard long flowing,  
Wrinkles wise and eyes reverent,  
Daode Tianzun the Honored Virtuous One.

“Third prince, what is it you need of me?” he asked with a spread of his fan. Nezha and the dragon prince kowtowed before explaining in unison the events that led them up to heaven’s gate. Upon hearing their reasons, Taishung Laujun nodded in understanding before turning to the pig demon. “Marshal Tienpeng, please set that macaque down so I may have a closer look.” 

Ganglie complied without complaint, eager to shed the Great Sage’s weight, and placed the body on the palace grounds, careful to set it straight. The old celestial knelt and examined the corpse from head to toe. “This ape really can take a hit, my my!” he thought to himself, surprised that he could still detect life within. “Marshal Tienpeng was right,” he said at last, “he’s only mostly dead, and should be no trouble to revive. Now, Marshal, pump into his upper pressure points while I administer these rejuvenation pills, silver for yin, gold for yang.” Once more, the pig complied:

Roaming heavy hands over the body,  
For fear of decomposition,  
He stimulated the blood in vein,  
Refusing to let the last piece of soul escape.

While the Honored Virtuous One worked,  
Circling the Great Sage’s temples,  
Keeping the orifices open,  
As he entered the pills one by one,  
And closed off with a heavenly breath.

Excited to see the results, Nezha and the dragon prince looked in closely, just as Taishung Laujun held the macaque into a sitting position, Ganglie at his rear. Heavy breaths escaped the Great Sage as his eyes opened one by one, glazed and weary, until at last, he stirred awake with a pained gasp. Moved to tears, Bailong kowtowed at the Honored Virtuous One’s feet and thanked him most profusely. “It should have been done,” the old celestial said with grace.

Brought back to the living, the splendid sage kowtowed as well, grinned, and said, “I am most grateful, old one, most grateful indeed.” After accepting his thanks, Taishung Laujun bid them be on their way and departed to attend his celestial duties. Ganglie then tapped the Great Sage’s shoulder and said, “If not for old Zhu, you’d be a rotting carcass by now.”

Wukong returned his comment with a clout and said, “Don’t think I didn’t hear what you said about my corpse, dirty pig. For this favor, old Sun will spare your life but expect no more.” His mind out of its comatose daze, the Great Sage made to leave, most desperate to find the Tang priest, and fell forward into Bailong’s arms with a cry. 

“Mind your wounds,” the dragon prince said, “you mustn't rush. You may be alive now, but you’re still in a rather sorry state and I fear you’ll be unfit to fight for some time.” Most frustrated, the Great Sage grit his teeth and said, “You’re right, it seems. Fine. But there’s no time to lose. We must find your father’s killer and save my Master. So gather round and I shall devise a plan.”

Upon seeing Ganglie’s retreating figure, Wukong laughed and said, “You as well, pig! My fellow, you’re bound to us now!” Ganglie scowled and thought, “I much preferred him when he was dead,” before returning to the trio with unconcealed reluctance.

We now return to the pitiful Tang priest. Having convinced himself that the Great Sage was dead for good, Sanzang felt no hope for escaping whatever designs Red Boy had for him. Too distraught to meditate and in too tired to weep once more, he contented himself with huddling in the corner of his damp cell and reciting heart sutras while the battle between Princess Iron Fan and the Jade Fox Princess raged on. As he waited for the prince’s return, he composed a brief poem:

“All the joys are fleeting,  
In this time of despair,  
Men can do not but,  
Let their fate take its do.”

As he wallowed on in misery, the wicked Taoist Master and the demon prince were witness to the end of the women’s battle. Twice the Bull King reached for his ax, and twice, he chose to leave them be. “What a sorry state I’m in!” he thought anxiously, “dividing myself between two women prevents me from aiding either without offending the other, but should I choose not to act, our home will be in shambles by the time a winner emerges.” Indeed:

The battle of swords raged on,  
Princess Iron Fan fierce and bitter,  
The Jade Fox Princess mean and troubled,  
Parrying weapons and blocking blows,  
Until their clothes were most unwomanly,  
And bodies bruised all over.

Angered at the husband’s cowardice,  
Lady Iron Fan waved her mighty plantain leaf,  
Sending the vixen’s weapons in all ways,  
So the tide of battle changed.

The Jade Fox Princess cried for help,  
As their audience gasped in shock,  
Her heart soon skewered by the Lady’s sword,  
Wielded by the might of scorn,  
One practitioner laughing mad,  
The other writhing in pain,  
A cyclone of blood splattering all around,  
Ruining the rival’s pretty face,  
This was her lady Raksasi’s victory.

After the corpse fell with a sickening splat, the Bull King rushed over and cradled his fallen concubine. Holding back tears, he trembled with rage and said, “Vile woman! Vile, vile woman! Had I not paid my dues to you already? Why did you do this?” Still frenzied from battle, Raksasi drew in heaving breaths and said, “I always knew this was where you stood. Now that your bitch is dead, you finally say what you always meant.” 

“I say that vixen deserved what she got,” Red Boy said, meaning to add oil to the flame, “Mother is in the right, old man!” The sight of blood excited him and only made him burn more for punishing the pretty priest. “You insolent brat!” the Bull King roared. 

As the family quarreled on, one of the junior devils gathered around left his rank and tiptoed through what remained of Sky Scraping Cave. Who could it be? Watch:

As the transformation wore off,  
The little devil grew and grew,  
Until he was the height of three men,  
Hard skin and red beard,  
None other than Sha the sand demon.

He had disguised himself as one of the devil guards while the battle raged on, and escaped the gaze of the Bull King’s family in order to find the Tang priest. Sha scanned every room he came across until at last, he stumbled on Sanzang’s cell. Heart filled with joy at seeing the monk’s figure within, he tapped on the ruined door and whispered, “Venerable elder, please cheer up. You will not be here long.”

Upon hearing the sand demon’s voice, Sanzang asked fearfully, “Who’s there? What do you want from me?” At that, Sha said, “I was one of the bandits who abducted you from Acclimated Thunder Mountain, the sand demon defeated fairly by the Great Sage Equaling Heaven.” Anguished, Sanzang replied, “What comfort does that bring me? Are you here to take revenge? Do what you will! Wukong’s dead anyway.”

Sha shook his head, tore down the rest of the door, and said, “No, no. That ape’s been rescued by his companions, Prince Nezha and the Dragon prince of the Western Sea. My partner, Zhu Ganglie the former Marshal Tienpeng, has gone with them as well. We’ve come to your aid in exchange for the Great Sage sparing our lives. I don’t dare tell you how severe his injuries are, but there is no doubt he will be returning for you.”

Sensing the sincerity in the demon’s voice, Sanzang’s despair was replaced by a flood of joy. He rushed out the cell and grasped Sha’s hand in gratitude before saying, “Then what do we do now? If Wukong’s as bad off as you say, I doubt he’ll be able to put up much of a fight against all these devils.” At that, Sha recounted the Jade Fox Princess’s death and said, “While the family bickers, we can attempt to escape. The Great Sage was the strongest foe I’ve ever met. You ought to have more faith in your lover, venerable elder.”

Sanzang sighed and said, “I supposed you’re right. I don’t know if it’s for the best, but that damned macaque is nothing but full of surprises.” Then he took both of the sand demon’s hands in his own and said, “Xuanzang is most grateful for your help, good Sha. In return, I will help you leave the suffering of devilhood. From today forth, you will be known as Sha Wujing, a fellow brother of the Buddhist way.” Upon hearing those words, Sha wept with joy and said, “Thank you, Master! Thank you! At long last, I shall be free!”

Meanwhile, wife and husband finally turned on one another. See them fight:

Lady Iron Fan flinging wind,  
The Bull King chopping fan,  
Sparks flying as steel clashed,  
Each determined to end marital trouble,  
In a bath of the other’s blood.

Unsure where their loyalties lay, the junior devils watched in confusion, unable to lift a finger in aid. That sadistic Red Boy laughed in pleasure as his parents dueled, ready to help whoever the assured winner was. But before the couple could draw blood, a ring of heavenly fire burst through the cave entrance and sent the gathered devils flying all about. Indeed:

Fierce Nezha had arrived on wheels of fire,  
Youthful face hardened by battle,  
A countenance so similar to Red Boy’s,  
Yet as saintly as the demon’s was devilish.

Behind the dragon prince entered on cloud streams,  
Locks flowing as he drew the old king’s sword,  
The reluctant Zhu standing beside,  
A fly perched on his shoulder.

“Who are you to enter my home?” the Bull King said, most affronted at the assault, to which Nezha replied, “We’ve come for the Tang priest. Let him go and we take our leave. Refuse and prepare to fight.” At that, the Bull King snorted and said, “Your demands offend me and my home! Fight, we shall! And I’ll let you know, I’d sooner this cunt die than me.” Lady Iron Fan gave him a clout and hissed, “We’ll see how dies first, you ingrate. Come and let us release hell on earth!”

Nezha drew his spear and swung his lotus rings as the demons charged, blocking every blow with fire and dodging ever wave of the iron fan. At that moment, Ganglie took his leave down the smoky halls of Sky Scraping Cave. While he distracted the couple, the dragon prince charged at the Taoist Master, gaze reserved only for his most wanted enemy. “Those two fools are no match for that boy and they’ll be at it for some time. And it seems this mad youth wants to pick on me,” the cunning Taoist thought before saying to Red Boy, “young master, I fear that pig will be looking for the venerable elder. They mean to distract us.”

Alarmed, Red Boy said, “I’ll make mince pork out of him! Let them try!” With that, he stormed off in the direction of Sanzang’s cell. Before he could reply, the Taoist Master was accosted by the dragon prince. With a snarl, Bailong tore his robes away. See:

A thousand eyes etched in one body,  
Blinking and glowing in turn,  
Ready to help their master’s demon whims,  
Shining with hellfire and dark intent,  
They seemed to smile as their master grinned,  
The Thousand-Eyed Demon.

He drew his blade and clashed with the prince’s own,  
And willed his eyes to glare and slice with light,   
Inflicting wound over wound on royal flesh,  
Dancing through wind as he dodged the dragon’s blows,  
A most fearsome opponent worthy of Acclimated Thunder Mountain.

And still the dragon prince did not relent,  
Bearing the pain with stoic snarls,  
Choosing to strike at every turn,  
Resolved to avenge his fallen sire,  
The Dragon King of the Western Sea.

As they fought on, the Thousand-Eyed Demon pushed Bailong back and said, “I don’t see what you’re so worked up about, boy! Your companions are too busy to aid you and I have no quarrel with you but now that you’ve attacked me, I’ve taken offense. You’re no match for me anyway!” Ignoring a new cut on his arm, the dragon prince came forward once more with his blade and said:

“Our quarrel runs deeper than blood,  
Over an offense I would rather than die,  
Than leave unattended forevermore.”

The Thousand-Eyed Demon struck once more and crossed blades with Bailong’s quicker block. The prince glared and shouted:

“My name is Ao Lie,  
Third Prince of the Western Sea,  
You killed my father,  
Now prepare to die!”

With that, he let out a battle cry and slid the blade forward, pushing until it pierced the demon’s chest. The Thousand-Eyed Demon crumpled with an agonized howl, blood gurgling in his closing throat. When at last his thousand eyes rolled back, the Thousand-Eyed Demon fell dead in his own blood. The dragon prince caught his breath and wept. “At long last, I’ve avenged my father! Today his murderer lies slain by my hand! My family name is clean once more and my name is cleared. The Thousand-Eyed Demon is no more!”

There is no sweeter victory,  
Than that which is earned.

As Nezha continued fending off the Bull King and Lady Iron Fan, Zhu Ganglie had found the Tang priest’s whereabouts with success. After a joyous reunion with Sha, now Wujing, they exchanged explanations, whereupon Sanzang was happy to place his hands on Ganglie’s head and say, “I am most grateful for your help, my friend! Marshal Tienpeng, today I will help you leave the demon’s path. If you agree to give up the eight precepts of pleasure and sin, I now dub you Zhu Bajie, the eight precepts pig and take you on the Buddhist path.”

Bajie wept with joy, and like Wujing before him, kowtowed before his new Master. It was then that the fly by his side cried, “Change!” and turned into the Great Sage before Sanzang’s very eyes. Standing in its place was the Beautiful Monkey King in half his old splendor:

Wicked eyes alive with mirth,  
In ragged armor and bloodstained gold,  
Pallid and shaking but brimming with life,  
Most joyous at reuniting with the Tang priest,  
That macaque Wukong.

“I thought you dead again!” Sanzang said as he shed happy tears. At that, Wukong took the Tang priest’s hands and said, “Ah, you have such little faith in Old Sun, Master. But it’s a joyous occasion that we’re standing here alive, old man.” Sanzang nodded eagerly and said, “Yes, yes, I knew you would come back for me! You always do, how could you not?” Wukong laughed, released those trembling hands, and embraced the monk before saying, “Indeed, indeed!”

The band of four chose then to return together to the cave mouth, but found themselves accosted by a group of ten or so surviving devils. Praying silently to himself, Sanzang hid behind Wukong as they neared. “I sense you’re too weak to fight,” Wujing whispered to the Great Sage, “So take the venerable elder and escape while we hold this group off.” Unable to protest, for he knew the sand demon’s theory to be true, Wukong nodded and said, “Then I shall, good man.”

The devils attacked with swords and clubs,  
Only to be knocked back by the fierce duo,  
The formidable Bajie and his nine-toothed rake,  
And the mighty Wujing with his long scythe.

Using the commotion to his advantage, Wukong took Sanzang by the hand and led him away from the distracted devils. Not long after, the Great Sage collapsed, giving the Tang priest another fright. “Wukong!” he said, squatting by his lover’s side. “It’s nothing,” Wukong said in an attempt to dissuade his worry, “Nothing at all.” While Sanzang helped the Great Sage up, they heard a dreaded voice say: “I thought I killed you!” Who could it be?

Red Boy stood in their path,  
Nose bleeding and spear sharp,  
Filled with bloodlust and rage,  
Angered from head to toe,  
And now mad with envy,  
Most upset at seeing his enemy returned.

Gritting his teeth against the pain, the Great Sage forced himself to stand up, shrugged Sanzang off, and pulled the as-you-would golden cudgel from his ear. “I won’t be much of a threat to him in this state,” he thought to himself, “but this boy is so out of sorts now he should be easy to trick.” Wukong laughed and said, “Did you really think you could harm your grandpa Sun? I thought you smarter, boy!”

Red Boy raised a fist, as if ready to strike his nose once more, and said, “Then I’ll just kill you again! I’ll tear you limb from limb, you dirty ape!” Wukong stretched the cudgel, grinned, and said, “You couldn’t do it before and you can’t do it now! You know what they say, when you come back from death, it’s forever. So come here and I’ll give you a beating you’ll never forget!”

As they bantered on, Sanzang couldn’t help but tremble and think, “Amitabha! Why must Wukong aggravate him so? At this rate, we’ll both die most painful deaths!” Then the hateful prince jabbed himself in the nose and released the Samadhi flames from his mouth, only for the Great Sage to repel his fire with a spin of the golden cudgel. Still in the midst of his jeers, Wukong plucked a handful of hairs from his arm, said, “Change!” and conjured up a thousand little monkeys in his image.

Red Boy blew fire at them again and again as the clones piled themselves upon him. Though he was indeed in too much pain to put up a fight, the Great Sage still possessed seventy-two transformations and a wicked simian’s mind. See Red Boy struggle:

Unable to fend off an onslaught of macaques,  
Each weak and small yet great in number,  
A tide that left Red Boy disheveled,  
For now he was really starting to fear,  
The prowess of the splendid sage.

Convinced now that Wukong had sufficient means to dispose of him, Red Boy thought, “This can’t go on! I really will lose my life if this continues! I can’t die this way.” And so, he stripped away that devilish pride, dropped to his knees, and kowtowed fiercely. “I forfeit this fight, you cheating ape! Call off your minions and face me like a real villain if you so dare!” 

After hearing those words, the Great Sage released another satisfied laugh and said with those monkeys in unison, “I won’t waste time on the likes of you! So get out of my sight and live the rest of your days knowing who brought you to your knees!” Red Boy stood up and threw his spear in Sanzang’s direction, whereupon the Great Sage promptly caught it. “You think you’re so great now! You’re just a bunch of old men- hear me, ape, I’ll be back and you’ll have to reckon with me then!”

“What threatening words!” Sanzang thought, but Wukong evidently had different thoughts. The clones cheered in tune as he said, “Grandpa Sun’s red butt cheeks are all you’ll have to reckon with because you’re just a fart in the wind! Now go!” The shamed Red Boy cursed Wukong’s name ten times over before he gathered his wounded pride and fled in a rage worthy of hell’s lowest layer. 

With the greatest foe gone,  
Men can rejoice at last.

Once Red Boy had disappeared, the splendid sage rid himself of the clones and took a moment to catch some much needed breath before he tucked away the golden cudgel. Ahead, he saw the entrance of Sky Scraping Cave, wherein the Taoist Master had fallen and Bajie and Wujing had gathered. “Come, old man, we haven’t got all day,” Wukong said as he offered the Tang priest a hand. Eagerly, Sanzang complied and hand in hand, they made their way towards the mouth in spite of that monkey’s limp.

The Bull Demon King and Princess Iron Fan were sore and tired at having fought Nezha for so long, and the divine prince was rather winded himself. Upon seeing the Great Sage return, he was most comforted at knowing this battle would soon end. Bailong came before Wukong and the good monk, and said, “Great Sage! I am much softened at seeing the Tang priest’s rescue! Our attempt has paid through and my father is avenged!” At that, Wukong replied merrily, “Good news indeed! My friend, the western sea’s name has been cleared! And now us lot can finally leave this rancid place.”

Concerned, Sanzang asked, “But how? I’m mortal and can’t ride on clouds like the rest of you. And you’re clearly in no state to carry me.” Wukong brushed him off and said, “Your worry moves me, Master, but there’s really no need. It will be slow but I’ll have no problem traveling with you away from here.” Not wanting the conversation to drag on, the western prince said, “Great Sage, you can barely walk and what the venerable says is true. Allow me to help. In return for your aid in avenging my sire.” Indeed:

Before their very eyes,  
Blue locks flowed into a silky mane,  
Robes twisted into fine reins,  
And standing before them was,  
A stallion white and fine,  
Bai Long Ma. 

Joyous at the sight of such a fine steed, Sanzang was quick to praise the dragon prince before he hopped upon the white horse, the Great Sage following suit. “You’re really a fine fellow,” Wukong said, delighted as he took the reins, “A fine fellow indeed!” Sanzang was more than happy to agree and thank Bailong once more. Bashful at their heaping praise, the dragon prince whinnied softly and began his gallop.

“Third highness, come! It’s over at last!” the Great Sage called as they passed Nezha, who upon hearing those words, retracted his weapon and made for the mouth of Sky Scraping Cave. Thoroughly fatigued, Raksasi dropped her fan and said, “Look there! That brat’s getting away- do something, you excuse of a king!” His pride most damaged, the Bull King gathered his ax once more and bellowed, “Underlings, come! Stop them!”

At that, the dragon horse leaped out of the cave, the slowing Bull King and his devils at his heels. Above, proud Nezha flew on his fire rings as he let out whoops of joy. Sanzang looked back, only to see the minions of Acclimated Thunder Mountain far behind, and the former roughs, Zhu and Sha, running by the steed’s side. “Slow down, horse!” Bajie said, “Old Zhu can’t keep up if you’re this fast!” to which Wukong chuckled and said, “Let’s humor that damned pig, your highness. We’re far enough anyway.” Watch them go:

The Tang priest upon the saddle,  
His splendid sage right behind,  
The two entwined at last,  
Former enemies by their side,  
Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing,  
Now companions of the Buddhist way,  
With good Nezha up ahead,  
And the noble dragon traveled on,  
Into the sunset overhead,  
The spirit of mirth all around,  
Even as the demon prince plotted revenge,  
And the Bull King chased so near.

His heart filled with so much happiness it nearly burst, Sanzang turned to Wukong and said, “At last, I’m at ease. You and I are together at last, and I should hope no more trouble comes our way. So now I must ask, Wukong, what do we do now?” The Great Sage grinned and said, “Let’s go west.” At that, the Tang priest laughed, for he knew “let’s go west” was merely another way to say “I love you.”

While the sunset consumed them, Sanzang finally felt no fear for the devils on their tail, and instead, looked once more at his beloved sage and said, “Do something for me, you damned macaque.” His curiosity piqued, Wukong asked, “What do you want, old man?” At that, Sanzang beamed haughtily and said, “Kiss me.” And so with a grin, the Great Sage released the reins, swooped the Tang priest into a dip, and pressed his mouth against the monk’s own. It was doubtless the first and loveliest kiss Sanzang had ever tasted. 

Great happiness lies in trials past,  
When the light of lovers’ joy is cast.

This installment ends with the Tang priest having reunited with the Beautiful Monkey King, and upon befriending his new companions, successfully embarking on his journey west for the Sanskrit sutra. Though there were many mishaps and trials along the way, success waited for them in the end. As for the Bull Demon King and his family, Guanyin Bodhisattva appeared soon after and took Red Boy on as her disciple, having converted the Bull King and Lady Raksasi away from a life of demonic spirit and into the Buddhist way. In short, they all lived happily ever after.

* * *

“-lived happily ever after,” the True Lord Erlang finished, concluding his tale of romance and adventure at long last. Then with refined grace, the Illustrious Sage pulled up the covers of young Chenxiang’s bed until they touched the boy’s chin.

“But uncle,” the nephew pleaded, “I must know what happens next!”

Erlang Shen stood up and shook his head. He went to the lantern by Chenxiang’s bedside and prepared to blow it out. “You’re a fickle child. If I recall correctly, you said you didn’t care for stories with romance and ‘kissing,’ or was I mistaken?” he teased.

“You’re most wicked, uncle,” Chenxiang said, “I enjoyed Tang Sanzang’s tale quite a lot, and I don’t think it’s right to simply end it there.”

Eyes brightening, he looked at the Illustrious Sage and asked, “Did they get married, the Tang priest and the monkey king?”

Erlang Shen paused in thought. Then he smiled rather devilishly and said, “Perhaps. But that’s a story for another time. Now rest, nephew.” And ignoring the boy’s protests, he bent and blew the lantern out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and feel free to leave kudos/comments! Hope this story was worth clicking on and that the finale lived up to expectations!
> 
> This ends "The Monk Bride" for now, but I might do a Golden Cicada/Bimawen side-story based on Guanyin's recount of the Golden Cicada's life from chapter 2. And if anyone's interested in future writing, I have a few ideas for a "Demons Strike Back"-based slowburn canon-era fic.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments are welcome (and yes, I guiltily admit this was written for personal pleasure).


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